"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive girl who was fooled into believing she was a boy because of anatomy - -

Saturday, 17 April 2010

We Need a Secret Handshake

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each others' life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof” .
Richard Bach

Calie’s moving account of her meeting en homme of a sister (also en homme), or at least someone she is almost certain is a sister has moved me. If you haven’t read it, you should, but to summarize, she felt drawn to make contact, but the opportunity went by, unfulfilled.

I would have wanted to connect, but this has given me something else to ponder; what would I do if I was the girl standing there in my man-clothing and someone said, right out, “you're trans aren't you?”.

What if I was clocked? (I realize that usually we worry about this en femme, but remember, I am special, ;P ) It is something I will really ponder, and try to be prepared for, because it might be a wonderful opportunity, or my wife’s worst nightmare, and I won’t have much time to size up which one it is at the moment it happens.

Another recent post by Nicky had me all wistful with a similar theme of wishing we could all hang out together and have a pint at the drop of a hat.

Our lives are complicated enough aren’t they ladies? I do love connecting here in blog-land, but don’t you wish that when we really met by chance that we had a way to connect and spend some real time together, no matter how we are presenting at the time?

I’d like to meet my family. I know how difficult that is to arrange. I have a feeling it will happen, someday, because when we want something badly enough, and can imagine it happening, usually it does, eventually.

Hugs to you all,



  1. I love that quote, Halle, and thanks for the reference to my post.

    There are a lot of us out there. I so love being with my trans friends and breaking bread or sipping coffee or tea. It's just so...relaxing to be yourself with friends who understand.

    I don't think we need a secret handshake. Perhaps a secret hug? I do find that when I hug my sisters, it is more of a female hug than a male hug. There is a difference and it just came naturally.

    Oh, and if you want to link to another blog or whatever, just click on the "link" icon on the blogger tool bar when in compose mode. It took me a long time to figure out that it was right there in front of me.

    hugs (both arms around your back and reaching up towards your neck),

    Calie xxx

  2. Thanks for the virtual hug, and the tip. I figured what I wanted couldn't be too difficult, but where?

    Big hug!


  3. I guess you see the world differently when you actually live enfemme: I've run into other girls enfemme, all the time, who I've never met, before. Nothing verbal is required, nor is a secret handshake; we recognize each other, smile, and go on our way.

    As for getting together and having a pint: the rest of us girls do that all the time, it's called a GNO. In fact, I'm attending one tonight.

    You miss a lot when "maintaining a facade."


  4. Seeing as I am struggling to surpress my manarisms recently I worry about being clocked all the time.

    I'd have no idea what I would do if someone asked... Panic probably...