I spent one evening this past weekend at a social club where my sweetie and I have cultivated some friends and mostly acquaintances. As much as I try to use this façade of mine to associate as a male, with males, eventually as was inevitable, I ended up sitting in on a conversation with two women. The topic was one I have personal experience to contribute; depression. Now this was not girly-chat. The two ladies in question (not me, sadly) spoke with great intensity to each other while I was quite obviously not worthy of eye contact. A couple of times, I tried to make a supportive comment and the discussion across from me moved onward, unimpaired by my apparent rudeness. When a woman who is handy with power tools sits in on a conversation about home renovations with a pair of men, she is probably treated roughly the same way.
Oh, how I longed to tell them; to let them know that not only do I understand depression, but “here’s one I’ll bet you’ve never had to deal with!” However, not only do I maintain a façade, but I really do avoid ‘one-upping’, so I would not be like that.
This is not a whine. There are lots of situations where my opinion is valued, not because I am a man, but because my life experiences (that I can share) give me a lot to contribute to a conversation; where I know how to toss in a tidbit that moves everything along, and makes it even more interesting. Oh how I love a good conversation, especially on a topic that is meaningful, or even controversial.
So what is this getting at?
It may be that the reason this episode with the two ladies won’t let go of my mind, is because it reminded me that there will be times that even though I am more female than male inside, I will just have to “suck it up” and accept that in a group of women I will ‘only’ be a man. As such, my opinion on some topics will be second class, until I join a social group where people only know my feminine side, if ever that day might come.
I value our exchanges more and more here in Blogistan.