I am embarrassed to admit that these days I am living in lock-up mode, when there are so many of you who have taken charge, stepped up and just got on with living your lives. What I am starting (I am very slow at times) to get my ‘pea brain’ around is that if everything does not go as planned; so, that is bad because??? People will give you looks… and that is who’s problem???? The time has come to Do Something That Moves Me Forward!
Yup, I am in lock-up mode; with “Fear of Loss” gripping me tightly by my throat, yet I know by your examples and a lifetime of my own, that none of the consequences that give that faceless fear power over me are as bad as I can imagine. I must conjure up my own super-heroine with power over these fears.
The man inside me has never been afraid of anything he had to do before, usually going super-prepared into every endeavor. Not this time; confusion and emotional turmoil run my life these days. What is going on here is make or break; that is clear. If I step backward now, there is just another cliff behind me. This or that, and everything will change, no matter which.
It is only a matter of time before I can see myself as congruent person. There is the beginning of a model already, but it’s not there yet. My beautiful Avatar here continues to challenge me with the question, “How can you be in any doubt as to the direction we must travel?”, yet there they are, thoughts of turning back as I have tried to do in the past.
Every good thing starts with a thought. Without strong will and the trust to leap, good thoughts can be wasted. If it was in my nature, today I would be saying a prayer. I suppose that is what this is, in a way. Or maybe it is a promise.
Since this is the only one I’m given, I will not waste this life.