I have a pretty good idea at this point why girl fog envelopes me most of the time. I have a pretty good idea of what I could do to lessen, or maybe eliminate it (Better Living Through Chemistry). A choice, with consequences.
I don’t know why GID has cycles of urgency. These cycles have been part of my life forever. Since I realized and acknowledged that the source of my anxiety is my trans-nature, the cycles have become more manageable (they are not gone, just different). For most of my life, thinking that I was just a screw-up, the low points of that cycle were accompanied by urges that manifested as (what ‘normal’ people would call) deviant sexual desires. The shame that accompanied these cycles spread out to give me a self-image that on a scale 0-10 was in the 1/∞ range. For my non-mathematical readers, this means less than any small number you care to mention.
Thanks to the vast resources here on the internet, and conversations we have here in Blogistan, I have increasing self-knowledge and with it, self confidence. What I don’t always do is take the action that appears best to continue to improve that condition. Because of a previous commitment, those actions while solving one problem, would create a new problem I am committed to avoiding (see this previous post). From reading your stories, I know I am not alone. The reasons for this inaction are as numerous as we are. As Meg points out in her post "You Just Don't Understand", we are far from alike. Yet we do empathize. Some of us get impatient with others when we think there is an obvious course of action they should be following. Mostly I get impatient with myself, because I see others taking action while I am not. We all berate ourselves at times. The wheel we are on turns and the feelings ebb and flow.
That is all.
Oh, you thought maybe this post was about solving our problem? Don’t I wish. No, this is just another post acknowledging where I am currently ‘stuck’.
This is just me telling me (and you too, gentle reader): Don’t feel alone. Don’t feel screwed up. Feel validated that all of this is real, and you are still doing the best you can do today.
Doing my best to live true to myself,