"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive girl who was fooled into believing she was a boy because of anatomy - -

Wednesday, 26 January 2011

Keeping That Mind Open

Today, as usual, I am finding that reading other people's work is inspiring me to think deeply.

In an earlier post, I admitted my ignorance on the topic of sexuality within the trans community as a whole. Like others of my kind, I had been convinced that my sexual preference for women is one that would persist if I was to transition. Not only that, but many I have read seem to be convinced that, at the 'core' of their being, they are already where they will be after transition. Somehow, we are convinced that our body will change with hormone treatment and surgery, but that mind of ours... it is solid as a rock; fully formed and unchanging.

Talk about naive, and to prove it, there is nothing like the testimony of those who have been there, and done it.

For example, Alexandra Young, recently featured at T-Central, has posted “Love and Sexuality” today over at “A Journey With Alex.” in which she wades into this topic. Here are a couple of excerpts:

“...I can hold my hand to my heart and say I never once fancied or strayed through experimentation to being with any man on a sexual basis. The desire or need just wasn't there.”

“...Transpeople can indeed adopt any sexuality they so desire, and no one should ever assume that such sexuality will remain as a constant.”

She then goes on to describe in great detail her proof of that statement.

I have learned so much here in Blogistan (so much like Wonderland for this Alice), and perhaps the most important understanding; keep an open mind, even when doing so scares the begeebers out of me. There is no other sane way. For a good read and a reality check, please head over to Alex's post.

Thursday, January 27: As an addendum to this, and for another personal testimony on the topic, see Teagan's post "An Unexpected Change".


  1. I wonder if those who's sexual preference changes after transition, were not bi-sexual all along, without ever realizing it? I have always thought that I was strictly heterosexual, as I was never drawn to sexual encounters with men, even when approached by gay men, who fancied me. I have however fantasized about being a wife and mother. Not as a sexual fantasy, but just as a very pleasant thought. I could never enjoy sex with a man as a man, it just wouldn't feel right, but I can imagine having sex with a man, as a woman, because as Alex said, it just kind of completes you.

    Melissa XX

  2. I switched to dating men fairly early in my transition, but I can hardly blame it on hormones... because I hadn't yet started HRT.

    It was a former girlfriend who suggested that I try dating a man (actually, she dared me). I tried it and was amazed by how natural it all felt.

    One thing I should note is that for me, it isn't about the sexual act. I'm still incomplete, so I can hardly comment on that. No, for me it's about how we interact, how I feel when he touches me, how I melt when he kisses me, and how I feel safe in his arms. I have never experienced any of this with a woman.

    My hubby and I have been together for five years now, and I have to say that this is the best relationship I've ever had.

  3. This is a subject that has come up with my therapist.

    It is something that he has experience with (he spent a decade working with the Gender team in Amsterdam) and has said that when after transitioning a large amount of people shifted sexual preference. Some to Bi-Sexual, a lot hetro-sexual women.

    He also said that it's not something that can really be predicted beforhand.


  4. This is such a great post. I have tried being with a man and have always been interested in relationships with men. However, every time I tried it just did not feel natural at all. I am in the best relationship with my wife. She is prepared to be a lesbian partner and has told me that she might want to become the butch in the relationship. But both she and I recognize that you cannot predict what will happen. We are life companions and always will be.