Many years back a friend showed me a really good way to use the flip of a coin to help decide which of two options to choose.
Let's call them option A and B for convenience. What you do is assign heads to one option and tails to the other. It does not matter at this point which is which.
Now, flip the coin and note which option has been "chosen" by the coin toss. Let's say for this example that the coin toss has selected option B. Note your immediate feelings on the result. If you are unhappy about it, you know that option B is not for you, so choose A. If you feel happy about the coin's choice, then B is the good one and away you go.
This morning I was thinking about (what else) my gender confusion. From the amount of time my mind devotes to this, you would think one or the other side was obviously in charge, but I have not been as certain as this morning's test revealed to me.
This morning, I invented a 'thought experiment' to see who is in charge upstairs. Recently in some blogs I follow there has been discussion about sexuality and transition. Over the past year I have become convinced that sexual orientation is malleable. I have become certain that in my case, my female self would in fact want a male to complete her. Ariel sized this up as an orientation toward "the other". As a male, I want the other (female) to complete me, so after transition I would therefore still want "the other".
About my thought experiment: I found a quiet place to meditate on the following. I imagined that two of me were in the room. There was my current male presentation and a clone of me identical in all respects but female in body. In the experiment, these two were allowed to 'get to know each other' if you get my drift. I tried to imagine all of the details from both points of view. It didn't take me long to find my truth. If you would like to do this for yourself, here are the rest of the instructions:
If one of the two is clearly a winner, you are done with the process. If you are having trouble acknowledging the preference, time for the coin toss. Assigning male to be heads (language is wonderful isn't it) and yes, female got 'tails', flip your mental coin and let it land and examined your emotional content carefully.
I invite you all to find a quiet place of your own now.