"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive girl who was fooled into believing she was a boy because of anatomy - -

Thursday, 18 April 2013

Guiding Beliefs

sticks and stones may break my bones 
but those poisonous names you hurl have power to turn me against myself
names can make me chew at my soul until what is left cannot sustain me
~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When you have a strong principle that is guiding your life, everything tends to get filtered through it. For example, here is my current guiding principle: 

How I act while living stubbornly male-bodied, 
what it means for me to 'be a man', is my choice, 
no matter how determined others might be to control me. 

That realization has been a help getting me through times when gd has threatened to undo me. 

Brutal examination of my childhood and life made me aware of an earlier guiding principal that goes something like this:

Make sure you act in a way that keeps everyone else in your world happy 
because if they are happy, you will be too.

This is a mantra designed by a three year old who could not trust the world.
Can you believe the guiding principle of a three year old became the values of the adult? Amazing. I fight an internal battle against that three year old kid's powerful convictions every day.

The other day I came across this quote from former football player and now activist Don McPherson:

~ ~ ~ Sigh ~ ~ ~

It may explain why men generally hate and certainly distrust the transgendered individually and as a group. We defy a guiding principle of being a male:

 "Don't be a woman."

I certainly recognize that bit of programming.

Deep beliefs are powerful. They can define a society. They can define how we think of others in that society and how we react to others in the world. 
We need to be aware of the power of guiding beliefs, so we are open to the possible need to question our beliefs and maybe even change them from time to time. 

I've heard it said that core values at the age of twelve tend to stick with you and control you unless there is some sort of life-changing event. Perhaps this is a cynical thought, please forgive me, but it seems to me, one of the techniques politicians and the media have used to shape our future has been to portray tragic events as life-changing events. They then use those events to reshape guiding beliefs in our society. 

Last month I finished reading "Team of Rivals". It is a long read that fleshes out a time and an amazing person in the history of the United States. The movie 'Lincoln' cannot do it justice, but is a valiant attempt I will grant, and takes a lot less of your time too.

Anyway, Abraham Lincoln understood people, and his nation, and he understood entrenched principles. Importantly, he also understood how important it was to know when old ones had to be cut loose. 

His words

The dogmas of the quiet past, are inadequate to the stormy present. 
The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise -- with the occasion. 
As our case is new, so we must think anew, and act anew. 
We must disenthrall ourselves, and then we shall save our country.


  1. For some reason your post made me think back to myself of a few years ago. I was dressed as Nadine as I walked into the bathroom, saw myself in the mirror, and in my head I called myself a freak.

    It wasn't until then that I realized how much crap I talked about myself. It was a sad, but eye opening, moment for me.

    I thought I accepted myself but I guess I just never wanted to listen. Now I listen, and I argue back, and am truly much happier.

  2. Someone once taught me that when your mind is in overdrive, you cannot tell it to be quiet. What works better is to listen to it and, as you say, answer it back firmly then let that voice go away.

    Our minds are so unfair after all those years. So glad you are happier with eyes wide open.


  3. I was here but feel a bit washed out and wordless(?) these days.
    Enjoy the day, Halle.

    1. It is possible that feeling washed out is going around.
      At least the sun is finally out again and some warmer weather is arriving.
      You have a good day too my dear.

  4. For me, listening to those mean things I say to myself and fighting against them is sometimes hard when I don't take responsibility for the fact that I am saying it, no one else. Not blaming others is a powerful choice that I am just discovering.

    1. It is very hard to unravel yourself. We spend a lifetime gathering those mean, self-hate, put-down things. For me, not blaming others was part of that problem. I needed to unburden me of that blame. Not blaming yourself is another and for me harder choice.
      That little kid is still there trying to make the world a better place for everyone but me. I won't blame him anymore. I have given the responsibility to those who deserve it.

      It won't ever be easy, but it does get better.

      Thanks for stopping by Jules. All the best for future powerful choices.xx