When I decided to seek the help of a professional therapist, it was going to cost me money. Insurance helped, but only some. We are not wealthy, or poor, but every expenditure must be justifiable, not frivolous. Because I did not want to transition, even though every fiber of my being was screaming at me that this was the only way to go on, I committed to tell this one person, Dr. T, anything she asked, as honestly as I could. Everything...
Part of the process she insisted needed to be followed early on was to listen to the inner child I had hidden away so very long ago. I told her that one of the first things that had happened when I started blogging had to do with that little child who had insisted on being heard in my dreamtime. Here, that was reflected in a series of posts, beginning with Halle Visits The Boy. Of course, I read those posts to her, and we went from there, discovering aspects of childhood that deeply influenced who I became. Today's post has to do with a very recent awakening that, if it is important to give credit, resulted from self-examination spurred on by Tom's recent path-working posts at his site GWYNT (see the sidebar under blogs I read).
As an aside, if you can afford it, therapy is such a positive and helpful process, at least in my own experience. But in my opinion, you shouldn't waste your time or that of the professional unless you are willing to be completely open and honest with them.
In a post last year, I related the earliest dream of my life, one that had profoundly affected how I related and still relate to the world.
Today's post has to do with something that is part of an even earlier memory, but it is hard to call it a dream, although it certainly was dreamlike.
Surrounding me is soft light and what I can only describe as Love, for that is the closest current feeling that compares.
In an instant, the way everything in the cosmos works and what it means has been revealed. There is a calm acceptance that whatever worries I had carried before were totally unnecessary now. They had been meaningful not long before, but now, I couldn't even recall them in any sort of detail.
It was made clear that I was to begin a new adventure, full of possibilities, but could be assured that nothing that seemed to be happening in that new life could hurt me in any permanent way.
After it ended, this was the place I would return to.
~~ home ~~
This was how my current life began,
and the promise of how it will end,
no matter what.
I will never hear talk about God in the same way again.
I won't argue theology here or anywhere.
Reality is simply too wonderful, and perhaps, too unbelievable.