In April this blog will be five years old. Five years ago I could never have imagined what would happen because in desperation, I reached out into the dark.
The person I was five years ago would ask this person I am now "Why are you still writing this blog?"
He would point out I came to the internet to find something else entirely and so I did. I found out who I am, and as an online friend said, "I think I have my issues figured out."
I would say, When you find out who you really are, there are other effects; things that matter even more than those issues we needed to sort out.
Friendship ~ knowing and caring for those who travel along side.
And if you are very lucky, friendship can become passionate love ~ a deep desire to be and experience more as the person in a skin I do not own... it is a feeling that won't go away. A sort of insanity and I cannot and will not lose it. It has given a perspective and acceptance of others I could never have found any other way. I am changed fundamentally and deeply. Thank you Dear C.
My experiences have brought emotional connections I could never have expected. Deep emotional connection is dangerous. Just ask any teen.
With connection come feelings of hurt when one of those who you have felt a deep connection with leave or seem to be rejecting you. To anyone who has felt that way because of something I did, or didn't do, or wrote, I am so very sorry.
Last and most, there is connection to spirit ~ all I had read and thought about for fifty years somehow came together through the special filter made from all those other connections and made sense.
Awareness of that inner spirit brings a peace I have never known and don't feel I deserve.
Mother said "Be careful what you wish for".
Nobody warned me of collateral effects that would change me forever. Nobody could have told me to run away (or don't you dare run away!) because those other effects would be so compelling.