among a myriad that are running about in my mind right now: Friendship and Female Role and Image Not possible to run through the whole thing for either in a post, but I am not your ordinary dame, so here I go. For most of my life presenting and convincing the world I'm male very successfully, I've seen one side of the Platonic relationship between men and women issue. It has been frustrating for the women I've known. We would get to know one another and share our expertise in some area or many, and then would get to that point where they want more... and I get all puzzled and then remember that they think that a man should want more from them.. he should want a sexual relationship of some sort; possibly superficial, possibly serious, but he should want something more because after all, isn't that all a man really wants anyway?? This past week I have ventured into that same issue from a different tack. As I told a male pal about his friend D, it didn't occur to me, but then it came back around from another friend in the know he had talked to; he wonders if as a woman I will still be his good friend. Can I still be his buddy? Can I? Of course I can.. after all I am still ME! right??? This new dame may be somewhat clueless or she may be on the right side of a more serious issue. This morning in BroadBlogs, they have touched on the Caitlyn Jenner Vanity Fair cover and what it says about how an older transsexual views womanhood. I have looked at that photo a few times and each time have taken close note of the feelings it has evoked in me. Some envy; after all Caitlyn has the money and lots of expertise at her disposal to appear to be young and sexy. Nothing at all wrong with wanting those things. Something else too though, and that something gets a good going over in an article by Rhonda Gerelick in the New York Times, where she notes "some disturbing truths about what we value and admire in women." I feel better having read this. It says I am on the right track wondering about what sort of woman I am, and not feeling that it is necessary for me to follow some stereotype in order to fit in. Perhaps along the way to being me I will find more to being a woman than I ever imagined.
My sweetie has been such a trooper. Under tremendous pressure of changes nobody else she has ever known has experience with, she has made a choice. She and I will transition together. But what does that mean in reality?
This morning she told me one more time that I can't understand what she is going through.
She is right of course, and yet, it is not her who is bringing stress upon her. It is someone who thinks she is being a loyal friend.
Perhaps the most amazingly stupid question ever asked a transsexual, or her partner: "Have you given any thought to how what you are doing will affect those around you?"
This loyal friend isn't actually asking that, but she and her husband are evoking it. Over and Over...
Every day or so, they are making her aware of their fears that she and I will have no friends once transition becomes obvious to everyone.
They might be right.
We both hope they are wrong.
Yet I cannot help but think that a real friend will try to offer support for the path their friend has chosen.
I wonder when that part will begin, because if it doesn't start soon, this death by a thousand cuts will have to come to an end.