"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive girl who was fooled into believing she was a boy because of anatomy - -

Friday, 12 August 2016

In Spite

Who out there likes to be ignored? Not me, that's for sure. 

We all like to think our thoughts on a subject are, at the very least, valued by the person we are talking to. Sometimes it is not enough even to know that the other person did listen and did consider. When we find out they ignored our warnings, or feelings, we are furious! How DARE they??!!!

It was therefore a pleasant surprise to eventually receive acceptance from many who originally expressed concern and even warned of disaster if I was crazy enough to go ahead with this sex change thing. These friends cared. They said what they thought at the time. When I went ahead with my plan, they stuck with me in spite of that. They admit now that they couldn't understand what was happening at the time, but they see how productive and happy I am and that matters more than being right in the past. 

Let's be really clear about my own feelings on that subject. Transition was my last resort. I am who I am and have always been. Presenting as a male was something I did well (way too well as it happens, for many do not, even now, accept who they see as the true me), and finally abandoning that safety was done in spite of all warnings. I had run out of excuses and choices for maintaining the façade. Fears, mine and theirs, were useful in planning how to carry out my transition. 

I had accepted myself. Once that was done the only decisions had to do with the actual mechanics of change. I made a transition plan that has gone very well because of total commitment; times of indecision far behind. 

It seems there are some who are sure I did this hastily, and in spite to some extent. I will not attempt to convince people like that of anything else; they are not my friends. If I did tell them anything it would be to say, no, this was not something I did to spite you, but it was done in spite of you. 

4 comments:

  1. You have always had the same mindset that I have which is that one does this because they have to and NOT because they want to. If you can avoid it fine but if you can't then be the best woman you can be!

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  2. Could not agree more. Whenever someone tells me how brave I am, much as I appreciate it, I always reply that bravery wasn't a factor; I simply couldn't fight any longer, and had to transition. (Still the best - and hardest - thing I've ever done, too. 🙂)

    Great post as usual, Miss H!

    Hugs,
    Cass

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    1. Thank you so much Miss Cassidy! Hugs.D

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