"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive girl who was fooled into believing she was a boy because of anatomy - -

Saturday 16 December 2017

Community ~ Trans and Beyond

When this blog started, and for a decade before that, my address might as well have read "Middle of Nowhere, Ontario". It took two hours and some to get to Toronto and an hour to get to a centre of any size. 

The beauty of that area more than compensated for the remoteness, except when it came to getting to know others in the transgender community. Geographical isolation and my spouse's initial fear of exposure made it necessary to hide who I was. I couldn't even go to a local therapist for fear that word might leak out.

Thanks to this blog I've had quite a few friends - trans and otherwise - who know I am a woman. For so very long I was never able to be in the same room with them.

It was only in the past three years that all of that changed, partly thanks to Cassidy. She introduced me to a friend of hers who lived close enough to visit. We were instant friends and now we are like family. We see one another as often as possible; she was one of two family who were there for me in the days after surgery in September.

Living as myself has allowed me to visit with some of those whom I met online in the past seven years. I'm looking forward to carrying that tradition on, too. (See you early in the new year, Joanna.)

This past year has seen tumult and so much change. The person I called sweetie for four decades and I are divorced. I moved from the community where we had lived together to help her move on. There are many there whom I will continue to see from time to time; they are my friends, not because or in spite of my transition. They are friends, full stop.

In my new community I am not in hiding, but neither am I broadcasting my history. It seems silly to worry that someone might think my hair isn't quite right (it isn't) or my voice is a bit masculine (it is) or that I might be trans. It has been my experience that when we get to know one another, these things matter so little. There are so many things that define who we are and whether we are worth getting to know. 

Sometimes I cannot believe how many second chances I have been given and not just to live as myself. I am married again. My partner and I knew each other as children and loved one another as teens and were good friends as young adults. We are wife and wife now, reunited after half a lifetime away from one another. We are comfortably active and are making new friends together here. Life is good.


Best wishes to all for a peaceful holiday season. 
Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas. 



p.s. As it happened, Joanna and I met before the new year, and had a great time together.

10 comments:

  1. I notice that on two occasions you use the phrase, "live [or living] as myself." It is truly wonderful that the phrase was not, "living by myself." The news about you and your new partner is great. [How many words can express that joy?]

    Though we might communicate but little, I trust you count me among those on-line friends. The best of Christmases to both you and your partner.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Tom. It feels wonderful to know you feel the same as I. If you ever plan travel in Canada, you must let us know. It would so lovely to finally meet.

      Delete
  2. I guess you are living proof that it is not impossible for trans people to find true acceptance and love in this world. That is wonderful. Hope to see you soon!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like to think that anyone might have such acceptance if they start by accepting themselves, something you know from your own experience.

      Delete
  3. "Living as myself". A concept billions would never even think of and certainly would find hard to understand. Being set free is priceless, all the sweeter having known the dark side...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hidden, it drove us crazy. Once revealed, it refused denial. Allowed to flourish, the true self brought peace.
      Priceless indeed dear sister.

      Delete
  4. Hi Halle
    Very pleased to hear your life is now all good. I do trust it remains that way because although we say you cannot experience joy without first experiencing sorrow we all feel with age one already appreciates that.
    Keep hitting them straight down the middle – you know what I mean!
    What a beautiful piece of music you selected to go with your post and I really loved that arrangement in just the right key for my appreciative ears. Who was the wonderful artist playing the Trombone?
    Best wishes

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, Lindsay, whose life is all good? There are sufficient challenges here to keep the contrast clear and give me a great appreciation of the joy.

      Trombone Shorty is a New Orleans based jazz musician who plays trombone and trumpet. I think on this recording he is playing the trumpet solo. His birth name is Troy Andrews and the internet has lots of information on him. I'm not sure who the trombonist for this recording was.

      Keep that ball on the short grass too Lindsay, and as always, thank you.

      Delete
  5. Halle! This is wonderful to hear! I send you and your partner the most cheer-filled of greetings in this season of wonder. Prost to you both together!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear R, thank you, and the very best to you as well, from both of us.

      Delete