"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive girl who was fooled into believing she was a boy because of anatomy - -

Sunday 23 January 2011

These Aren't The Droids...

I am retired from my career, but that doesn't mean doing nothing. The fact is that around here anyway, all of the 'retired' people who we hang out with agree; we have never been busier! The difference is how we chose the committees and projects to be involved in. (apologies ahead of time to the grammar police; awkward sentence structure is something up with which I will not put).

Mrs. H is away for a few days, so duties which have traditionally been hers (because that is how she likes it) have become mine. The situation has been perfect for my gradual movement toward understanding myself as one who comfortably crosses traditional gender roles. It was always that way as a youth, learning how to do everything that needed to be done around the house and doing it very happily.

A few days ago I hosted a small dinner party for two couples who I volunteer with. Looking back on that day, the preparation of the house; cleaning and disinfecting the washrooms, dusting, vacuuming, setting the dinner table and preparing the meal (mostly done ahead), I really had fun. I was, of course in drab for their visit. None of these people have a clue (at least I don't think they do) about my gender issues. During that day, neither did I. For a whole day, I was just 'me'. I would have acted the same no matter what clothing I had laid out and worn. Since it was casual, the clothing probably wouldn't have been too different anyway; 'Sunday-go-meeting' jeans and a nice sweater (jumper?... “I didn't jump or sweat” lol) was pretty androgynous, and comfortable.

None of my 'cloned male stereotypes' showed up for the party. Yay! :)

The title reference is me wondering if maybe Jedi Halle is playing little mind tricks on us; just be yourself she is saying. Her strategy works out well more and more often. That is all I can ask really. One day at a time.


  1. After I transitioned and people spent time with me, and this won't be any surprise to you or other trans people, but they were surprised that it didn't feel all that different to them. I didn't even use the Force or anything. :)

    Hosted my first dinner party as myself last night. I actually ironed placemats. (!!) Interestingly, I did feel pressure to host more like a woman might, if that makes any sense. The little touches here and there.

    Glad you had a nice time getting ready for and at yours. :)

  2. Thanks to my sweetie's clever storage techniques (she rolls them around a cardboard center from a paper towel roll), the placemats didn't need ironing.

    I was afraid to put too many nice touches to the place (almost bought some flowers for a centerpiece) and then thought better of giving too much away. I am a work in progress, so forgive me. :)

  3. The trans experience is certainly more than clothes and makeup. I'm glad you had the opportunity to share Halle with friends, even if they were totally unaware. :)Suzi

  4. Good on your for hosting a dinner party by yourself! It also seems that you really are finding a sense of peace in yourself, in being who you are. That's wonderful!

  5. Tell me about the dinner, Halle! It's almost lunch time and, since I generally starve myself for lunch (salad or soup), it's better to talk about food than to indulge.

    Calie xxx