"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive girl who was fooled into believing she was a boy because of anatomy - -

Saturday, 3 January 2015

... could have been...

"If you stop banging your head it will feel better you know Halle." 

"I have to know her. She is out there somewhere."

"Who are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the person we might have been if I had broken through that armour we put on forty some-odd years ago to find a way to live our life in a female body as we should have."

"You have been looking for her for years now. Isn't it time to give up? What good could it do? More regrets to get over. Anyway, you know what the world was like for any woman back in the 1960's and 70's. Do you really think we might have survived long if we had transitioned back then?"

"What about the woman in the book we just read? She has had an amazing life! She transitioned at around the same time we might have, and she didn't just survive."

"You weren't paying attention to those parts where she just managed to hang on by her fingernails obviously. "

"Should a real life be easy or simple? No. A real life has challenges and she lived them and survived and thrived."

The Musings of Maria is autobiographical, but more. It is a fulfillment of a promise and a challenge driven by a perspective that I might have had, but never had. It is worth reading for yourself, if only to imagine what was and is, not simply what could have been.


  1. Oh Halle it is of no real use to ponder on such things, it will only make you feel you are a failure. Take but a cursory glance backward but don't let it stand in the way of your future. Your future is actually all you have. Make the most of it.

    Shirley Anne

    1. The future yes, but in truth we have this moment, and I choose to use it to connect with a friend. Thank you Shirley Anne!

    2. I could be pedantic and say that there is no such thing as now Halle. Think about it. Your 'now' just went!

      Shirley Anne x

    3. Now is the only part of my life under my control. If I can risk pedanticism, like a golfer we must take action, be fearless in the moment, trusting that what body and mind have learned to do will create a positive result. You couldn't drive a car or a golf ball without the now. If we don't accept the risks of living in the now, we cannot face the consequences from the past, no matter how recent.

  2. I also agree with Shirley Anne, because I think that advice applies to everyone. People often say to me, if I had the wisdom I have now I would love to revisit my youth to make far better choices. But this a false premise, as your cannot even begin to correctly assess outcomes in our complex lives and indeed things may even have turned out worse. But that is not to say such a book may be extremely helpful to individuals now.
    Best wishes

    1. Lindsay, in the universe we live in, that is certainly true. I choose to believe that beyond the obvious there are connections with the past and all of those other nows that exist because of those different decisions.
      As you say, that book has much to offer and I too hope others will find it.
      All the Best

  3. Nope! When 'now' has gone it is no longer a 'now'. "Now" is what is left, between the past and the future.