It would have been so much easier if I had a hobby; dressing up and going out with the gurls now and then for fun and then putting it all away for the rest of the month.
Instead, I had to be me, and what does that mean? Right now, (and remember, I am not full-time yet) it means sore boobs, an extra x minutes to get ready to do anything, and the need to think about how I speak or walk on this particular day and what I eat and oh, get lots of exercise so this changing body doesn't get way out of shape. Oh, and how can I forget, what I am going to wear (the fun part), and whether that is only androgynous, or maybe something to push the boundaries a little.
I seriously wonder if life will ever feel normal again. Feeling normal would mean acceptance (the final stage) by me and by others around me. Yes, you read that correctly; I need to accept me first, and at the moment am stuck swirling in a whirlpool made of those other four stages of grief.
It is all fun and games until you find your heart's desire, and then the serious business of finding your I begins.
Survive the whirlpool and the reward is calm water beyond... Finally being able to honestly say "I" is something we never thought possible and it is priceless, everyone around us takes it so much for granted hat they cannot imagine what it feels like to not be able to be yourself.ReplyDelete
Only reading something like this am I reminded that life was once a turmoil, memories of those times fade fast.
It is hard I would think for many to understand all we want is what others can take for granted. How boring. How wonderful.Delete
I am finding it more and more difficult to post a comment here, because I sense you are moving further and further away from my orbit of understanding and experience. Perversely, the more difficult it becomes to comment, the happier I am. Why? Because you are clearly on your way to what you must eventually become. There will be supportive people on the way, of that I am certain, people who know and understand. I truly wish you well in all the places you must travel.ReplyDelete
Thank you for your support along the way, and for today, being so caring.Delete
You go, girl! That's what the young'uns 'round here say. I am shouting it with a quality ale in one hand. Prost, dear Halle!ReplyDelete
Thank you dear R! That is what we say to encourage each other too. Prost!ReplyDelete