"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive girl who was fooled into believing she was a boy because of anatomy - -

Saturday 13 February 2016

On clocks and other things

A good friend observed that here on my blog, there is no countdown app, or in fact any indication of my impeding transition, or weeks since starting HRT, or ... well any of that sort of thing. I honestly cannot say how long spironolactone has been part of my morning pill routine. Is it four and a half, three and a half or five and a half years? It was definitely sometime in the fall of some year. How can I be so blasé? This is just me, living in the moment, doing the best I can.

It is likely I might recall this date, well actually yesterday's date, for a while. Yesterday I went to visit camh. Yes, that camh... and I have come home totally happy with my interview with a lovely young and very thorough and professional person.
If you check that link above, you might notice that it is not easy to find anything about transsexuals because camh is about so much more. After a lovely conversation with another woman while in the waiting room, I found out what a supportive and vital place it is these days. She was there because of an addiction after using pain-killers for too long. We talked about chronic pain, and so forth. She was effusive in her praise for the support and strategies she has found there. 

I have no idea if it was reported here at some time, but this was not my first visit to camh. It was by far my more pleasant. For one thing, I went as myself, and myself I shall be from now on. 
For those who will keep track with me, it is likely going to be a year from now that I will qualify for consideration for SRS. I feel ready now; oh so very ready, but this past week is when I started to present female in my world, and that starts a clock. It seems the term "real-life experience" has been superseded by the way, and this pea-brain cannot recall what new term has replaced it, however we both got a good laugh about the nonsense of reinventing perfectly good terms because some new and trendier one has appeared. 

On a more personal note, the process of telling folks has gone as could have been predicted. Some family and long-time acquaintances have reacted poorly, but the rest, all good friends (part of my true family) and co-workers, have been totally supportive. It will be my job now to not draw unnecessary attention to my appearance, but simply be myself, as I come out to the community at large this coming week.

Yesterday after my meeting at camh, my daughter and I went for lunch together. She has known for a very long time this day was coming by the way. Apart from a conversation about how to get a discount code before ordering clothes from an online distributor, it was the very same sort of conversation we always have had, and I believe, always will have.

Life is very good right now, in the moment. 

10 comments:

  1. Clocks are overrated. Living and enjoying the moment is a good way to go. All the little way points we once felt were so important each fall by the wayside and lost to memory as we live through the next stage of our rebirth...

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    1. Absolutely right Dear Coline. So many of those sticking places are now faint memories thankfully. From here on I hope to enjoy the adventure.

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  2. Yea for true family! :c) And congratulations on your visit to CAMH hon. I'm proud of you!

    Hugs,
    Cass

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  3. Yes Sis, look forward to your adventure, leave the past for your memoirs. :-)

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    1. I will dear Sis! Here is to the adventure. xx

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  4. I have to chime in and say "Congratulations".
    You have traveled a long way on life's adventure in the very short time we've known each other.
    It's amazing how much "you are still you" to those who love and appreciate you. They are the keepers, they are the ones to take on the adventure with you.
    Bon Voyage, sister!

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    1. You were the very first person to recognize and insist I am a woman no matter how I dress.
      For that and your steadfast friendship and all the fun we share, thank you my dear sister!

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  5. I wish you all the very best, Halle. You are brave and beautiful.

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    1. Dear Susan, thank you so much. I have had a lot of help along the way.

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