I want this blog to be something useful. There is one more area where my thoughts and experience can be a help to someone stumbling along a similar path to the one I followed, a path that led me to become the woman everyone sees now.
Let me suggest that something that made all the difference for me (eventually) was my stubborn refusal to numb the pain I felt any longer. Starting this blog back in 2010 was part of extensive self-examination and that is what lead me along a path to healing. If someone had told me that it was going to take five years more to work it out for myself with help along the way from so many, I might have felt defeated, but that five year process was essential. Through it came certainty.
For the transsexual, there is little room for doubt in the end. You should, you must doubt your thoughts and desires as you begin. By the time you act upon those feelings, thoughts and desires, you must, be fearless and certain of what you are doing.
That change from doubt to fearless certainty requires tremendous growth. You need to make room for a new way of seeing the world. You must be prepared to leave so much behind that cannot be taken along on that path. There might be pleasant surprises once you are on your way, but you mustn't expect them. Make no mistake, changing your sex is not for the faint of heart, and it is definitely not for someone who is ignoring any part of the pain that initiated the process in the first place.
I'm going to close with a video that was the catalyst for finally putting these ideas down. A surprisingly clear analogy that is applicable to anyone who is under stress, but resonated strongly (obviously) for me.
Love and be fiercely loyal to yourself!
Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski on Responding to Stress
Honest and true.ReplyDelete
I am honoured, dear Coline.Delete
The first line of this post gave me a start! But it was okay in the second line, just that fast. It is good to see that you are still posting for those of use who keep reading.ReplyDelete
Yes January, when I figure there is nothing worth reading, I shall likely stop writing. Thank you for taking the time to say this hello.Delete
As I try to "pen" my thoughts in response to your post, I cannot but help to recall my thoughts when first I came into contact with you. I felt as if I were being allowed to tread softly in a place of deep magic. The feeling was so intense that I think my opening comment was simply, "Hullo Halle!" I received a similar response from you.ReplyDelete
Our starting points on our spiritual journeys were very different. Yours was your transgender issue, whilst mine was my self-destructive experience from living with a very ill alcoholic. Yet although the starting gates may have been set on different courses, the tracks that have wound their ways through the uncertain forests of faith and darkness, have been remarkably similar. I believe there are many others who will see in your recorded experience, much with which they can associate.
The spiritual path demands great courage, self-knowledge, and a faith that comes from supportive experience......And so much more. Through it all comes a repeated sense of open-eyed wonder. By whatever name you choose to be known, I can only say that it has been a privilege and joy to know you [insofar as anyone can know another] and to follow your journey recorded with such refreshing candour.
There is so much more that I feel needs to be said to do justice to your posts, but that moment when words fail has come. If there is an ending coming into sight, there is also a new beginning. I wish you well.
Recalling those first times that you ventured to comment (along with dear Ellena), my strongest feelings have to do with realizing and appreciating that other seekers, on other very different paths, could get something valuable from these writings. When I visited your blog and found a kindred spirit there, it planted the seeds of what is now a conviction; that there are universal truths that apply to all who follow a path of spiritual renewal.Delete
To a very great extent, it is that conviction that has kept this blog going. But as well, since I have come out to the local community (not a transgendered community, but individuals of all backgrounds here in Central Ontario), I have found others who also travel this path. So many of us live in fear that someone might discover some truth about us that we feel shamed by.
I wish you well too Tom, as I thank you for your insights and your encouragement.
it is a long and well thought out process and by the end of it you are certain about what you need to do. If anyone has done that it has been you. I am not the least bit concerned and have no doubt that this has not been chewed over countless times only to come to the right conclusion for you.ReplyDelete
Thank you Joanna. I know you too have thought this puzzle through backwards and forwards.Delete
That video was great, and yes it makes total sense.ReplyDelete
Yes, such wisdom!Delete
There is a time for medication and numbing, and there is a time to shed the shell and grow. Finding a balance in this busy world is the key.