"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive girl who was fooled into believing she was a boy because of anatomy - -

Monday 5 May 2014


There are ideas I accept as givens that probably, oh, who am I kidding, definitely seem pretty foreign to those who stop by here. Like the idea that everyone's life is like a tree with infinite branches where every choice made and every path that could have been followed actually exists in parallel dimensions. 
As a good reader of fiction, you are of course willing to suspend disbelief... 

"Why, aren't you the clever one now!" Aadi leaned back against the trunk of our tree as she laughed, put the apple she had been eating down and started to clap as she watched me slowly materialized while walking toward her. I love a bit of drama, and nothing like a tip of the hat to your mentor to get their attention in a positive way. Grinning, I curtseyed, "thank you, thank you." 

She patted the log beside her and in what for anyone else would be a feat of legerdemain, handed me an apple that slowly materialized in her hand. "You have more questions don't you Halle? I know that look." she smiled as she said that and I remembered how she admitted enjoying my curiousity. Something she called 'an endearing quality'.

Biting into that apple and looking up at my tree with all the billions of branches, I could see and hear Aadi pointing to one tiny glowing spot and whispering to me, "... and you are... that one." as she had on that day, as though it was only moments ago. 

I wondered how she could possibly know me so well, even tiny details like how much I love cookies and apples. I tried to fathom how someone so obviously powerful could care how I felt, and what I thought. Mostly I wondered how in the world she has the time to visit with and keep track of each of the billions of those tiny glowing dots. 

Her eyes widened, "My, but you are having some interesting thoughts there." She chuckled at my surprised look as it dawned on me that nothing I thought escaped her notice. "Halle, how long ago was it that we met here and talked about this tree of yours?" I put the apple core down, "As a matter of fact, I actually re-read the blog post about that visit just this morning, and it was about eighteen months ago." 

Shaking her head slowly as though to indicate I was away off, Aadi stood and walked around the base of our tree and stretched. Her body seemed to shimmer, and she looked like me, then like Beth, and then so many others, childlike then ancient and every age between, before settling back down to the image of that teacher I met only last summer in a dream

"Halle, take a guess how long it has been for me since these meetings you think of as in the past." 
As though in slow motion in my mind, the penny dropped. 
"I am guessing you exist in no particular time..." 
Nodding, she changed back to the appearance she had when I first met her. "... and you and I are never really separated are we?" 

Eyes glowing at me, her prize student, "Halle, we are one. You and Beth, and the monk from a previous life who you dreamed about too, and so many others who you don't 'remember'." She actually had used her fingers to make quotes around that last word. I almost chuckled at that, and then thought about what it meant. 
"You know what I really wanted to ask you about don't you?" 
Of course she knew, duhh! 

"The first answer is, yes, when you were 'born'," (she did the quotes thing again) "you did it purposefully, and yes, there is a promise we made. The things that challenge you in your life and the choices you made all related to it. Every feeling and thought matters. When you are ready, you will know how, and even when you are aware of it, you may struggle to live it." 
I had never seen Aadi so thoughtful and careful with her words, yet never in doubt like I often am. 
"It might help for you to know that you cannot ever be wrong. No one will judge you for failing to keep this promise. OK?"
"Everything in me tells me that it is important for me to know and understand the meaning of this Aadi."
She smiled and took my hand. "Just remember that by living 'in the moment' with love you are guided to fulfill all the promises that need to be fulfilled." 
I tried something my daughter used to do that had often worked well on me...  'puppy eyes', 
"Won't you even give me a hint?"
"Oh Halle, you know it already. You have been thinking about it." She frowned at my forlorn look, getting more intense and then started to chuckle at my pouting face. 
"Cut it out Halle!" she laughed at me. "Oh, I give up.... Here is your hint. Think of your six lessons. What is lesson number three?"

".. 'on earth as it is in heaven' ...  It's a promise? Oh, ...  Aadi, we really are one?" She nodded to indicate I should carry on. "So, when I remember you, and how patient and loving you are, and try to be more like you would be in whatever situation I find myself in, somehow that is part of my promise; doing my best to bring some of this place to my world and others who I know?" I felt amazed and light and joyous and overwhelmed all at once. "That can't be all of it though, can it? That is so simple!"

Aadi was up and on the move. "Such a lovely day! . Enough serious talk for now. Time to have some fun!" This was an Aadi I had never experienced. I had a feeling there was still so much to learn, but it was obvious that was not going to happen 'right now', even though for me learning was obviously just starting.
"How about a three-some?" As she said that, Beth walked out of the clubhouse of a heavenly golf course that appeared to have been there all along, smiling at the two of us. "Hello you two. I was just thinking how nice it would be if the three of us... what? Did I interrupt something here?"

"Beth, whatever would give you that idea?"

I grinned an impossibly wide grin as I took in this perfect, timeless scene and accepted a warm hug from my twin. 


  1. The idea of multiple dimensions is not completely crazy. There are mathematicians who are are exploring that very idea. But I do suppose to some these ideas seem pretty far fetched. I like to think about how mathematics discovered the existence of black holes before we actually found them. Thought provoking post, Halle.


    1. I always wondered why reading about a multidimensional universe always had the same feeling as a spiritual search. As the guy on a television series used to say: I love it when a plan comes together.
      Thanks Nadine.

  2. We certainly are the product of infinite possible possibilities from the also infinite choices made and random meetings during our lives, perhaps there is a square of infinity after all...

    As humans we are aware that many of our choices already made are not the ones we would make if given a second run at the game. A branch on the sunny side of the tree probably looks more enticing .

    Humans paper quite solid but in the greater scheme of things compared to the density of matter in a black hole we are almost as insubstantial as a vacuum and little more substantial than a passing thought...

    1. Life on the sunny side of the tree may seem akin to greener grass. Perhaps my story could be clearer, and authors who explain their fiction or poetry risk much.
      Let's just say that right now I do not feel envy for any of my sisters or brothers on that tree. All of us have the opportunity to live in the moment and be loving to ourselves and others.

      As to our mass, or shall we call it "how much we matter", for me, your thoughts are always of great import to me dear Caroline, as vacuous as mine might seem at times.