Take Care of You

This is a cross-post with my other blog, On The Other Hand. 

Here is a letter to my younger self; one who couldn't know better. 

Fear of abandonment haunted you. Your need to control relationships made you push away people you cared about, especially if they cared about you. You feared that someone that close, whom you care for so much, might uncover a great secret that you were sure nobody could possibly understand. More than anything you feared that ultimate rejection. Ironically, loss and fear of loss made it impossible for you to trust your own feelings. They were a source of so many of your problems. Soon, you learned not to ever rock the boat; taking a perverse pride in being a "goer-alonger". 

You have to understand and care for yourself. When you have a strong feeling that there is something that you need to act upon, even or especially when, that something is only for you and not for the good of others, resist the urge to push that feeling down. 

When you hear someone say something like "Do you have any idea how that (action you are contemplating) will affect me?", carefully consider the motive behind that question. 

Know yourself. Understand that what you think is self-control is a lack of self-esteem. Realize how others have learned to manipulate you, then turn those questions around and ask them of yourself. 

Do you have any idea how ignoring your own needs will affect you?

Winter is here.

Winter is knocking on the door. Last week it was cold and raining. Yesterday it snowed, again, and this time it stuck and stayed; a sign of things to come. Today's post: Canadian perspectives on wintertime. 

This past week was a lovely holiday for K and I, visiting with family, chosen and otherwise. Outside, it was dreich, as my friends in Scotland would say, but K and I kept warm ~ love and a good fire have that effect.  

Among the highlights was a trip to Parry Sound with three of the chosen family mentioned above to hear two Canadian treasures, Whitney Rose then Alan Doyle and the Beautiful, Beautiful Band perform. 

Alan told the story of the genesis of the song Laying Down to Perish. In April of 1917 four men went out onto the ice off Fogo Island Newfoundland to hunt. When the wind shifted, they were stranded. One of them carved a message on his gaff, then sent it adrift, hoping it would be found and returned to the families, which it was. He carved the date, their names, and the simple message: laying down to perish. 





Living isn’t easy
Dying isn’t hard
When the hungriest days of winter
Plays her wicked cards

I’ll not be called a quitter
‘Cause I chose to take a knee
For the ice won’t e’er be broken
Not by no man, not by me

Laying down to perish
God knows where I’ll go
Laying down to perish
I just wanted you to know

I’ll make my wife a widow
But I won’t have her trace the shore
With a candle in the window
And foolish hope above the door

I’ve got no time for haunting
The ones I’ve held so dear
So I’ll carve the crudest message now
Before I disappear

Laying down to perish
God knows where I’ll go
Laying down to perish
I just wanted you to know

I am not so sad to pass
To what lies beyond the snow
But to have you think I left you
Would break my heart and soul

Let there be a warm hereafter
In the sweetest by and by
Let my house be filled with laughter
Should I ever cross your mind, now I’m

Laying down to perish
God knows where I’ll go
Laying down to perish
I just wanted you to know

Another perspective on winter in Canada, from another icon of music, Gordon Lightfoot. 

Song For A Winter's Night
Gordon Lightfoot

The lamp is burnin' low upon my table top
The snow is softly fallin'
The air is still within the silence of my room
I hear your voice softly callin'
If I could only have you near
To breathe a sigh or two
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
Upon this winter night with you.

The smoke is rising in the shadows overhead
My glass is almost empty
I read again between the lines upon each page
The words of love you sent me
If I could know within my heart
That you were lonely too
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
Upon this winter night with you.

The fire is dying now, my lamp is growing dim
The shades of night are liftin'
The mornin' light steals across my windowpane
Where webs of snow are driftin'
If I could only have you near
To breathe a sigh or two
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
Upon this winter night with you, 
And to be once again with with you.