"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive boy who often thought he should have been a girl - -

Saturday, 14 January 2017

And Now You Are a Woman

Sounds like some sort of benediction, doesn't it? Just exactly when does someone like me become a woman

Since mid February of last year I have lived as a woman in all aspects of my life. As soon as it was possible, my identification papers (every single one of them) were written in my proper female name and with the help of my doctors, the designation area of each one says "female" and has since June of last year. I have travelled extensively as a woman and have learned to accept that I no longer hold a door and allow anyone to walk through ahead of me unless they are my senior by a lot, or are infirm. I am a woman, and that means that often the door gets held for me. It is part of our culture to give some deference to women. I always say thank you. 

I have also learned that men's washrooms are clearly larger than the women's...  otherwise why would there be lines of us waiting to get into ours and men walking in and out of theirs at the same time?

What I haven't yet experienced is the dumbing down of any discussion because I am a woman. Granted, I never have been particularly handy with automotive repairs, but who is, in this age of cars you plug into a computer for a checkup? If there is still a carburetor under the hood there, it is definitely not located under the air filter anymore.. where the heck is the air filter?? 

There have been many times when I had to ask myself whether I should still do some of those things I was really good at before. Things like woodworking and snow removal and splitting of logs and hauling big bags of conditioning salt for the water softener are guy jobs, aren't they?

There are new things I'm learning that might seem womanly, but I have always loved to cook. With the help of a friend and the internet I'm learning to crochet. It is fun! 

I will admit that a year and a half of hormone replacement therapy has left some of my anatomy less well equipped to heft 20 kg bags about, but darn it, someone has to get those things from the store home and into the basement and there isn't a guy anywhere about. Someone has to clear the walks and driveway from the blanket of snow that can make walking or driving impossible otherwise. I live in Canada and that means you either operate a snow blower and heft a shovel or you hire someone to do it for you. I am not infirm, wealthy, lazy, incompetent, or weak, or deathly afraid of sharp blades, so I can and will do it myself. 

Will being able to crochet make me more womanly? If I continue to discuss the workings of my car, drive a golf ball 250 yards, heft heavy loads, remove the snow, or make up my own fire in the stove, does that make me less womanly?  I think not!

Oh, and by the way, I have an appointment scheduled for next month to arrange for my gender confirmation surgery and I am over the moon happy about it! 

Surgery won't make me a woman. I have been that for a long time; long before the documents or the hormones. It will give me something that was denied me for most of my life however. Sometimes you have to wait for the world to catch up with you. 

Yup, I am a woman and proud of it. 



Friday, 23 December 2016

Admitting We Are Wrong

We invest a lot of energy in our world view. Admitting we have been wrong can cost us dearly. We might lose face, friends, or status when we admit just how wrong that world view has been, then try to repair the damage. In the extreme, we might even feel foolish, knowing that what we have fervently believed is, in fact, nonsense.

We are living in a time when strange and dangerous mythologies are tearing our civilization up.
Famous cartoonist Walt Kelly used Pogo's sadness at the state of his forest
to put across a strong message for Earth Day in 1970. 
There is a mythology that is related to how we use or misuse the planet. Some of us have thought ourselves entitled to so much for so long that we have forgotten simplicity and how to get along with less. 

Here in Canada, we are debating the value of eliminating our use of carbon liberating technologies to, among other things, keep us from freezing to death in the winter. A lot of folks are finding it hard to stomach the high cost of changing our ways. Some have had their electricity cut off because they could not afford to pay soaring costs. Fortunately, it appears nobody shall be freezing to death because their electricity is shut off, at least not at the moment. 

Admitting we have been wrong is embarrassing and expensive. 

The particular mythology that prompted this post is called Christianity. Now it is quite possible that the relatives and former friends who have shunned me since last February (when they found out I am female and intend to live that way from now on) are simply using Christianity as an excuse because they have always disliked me and can finally get me out of their life this way. I actually prefer that explanation to the one that suggests they are amazingly stupid and are convinced there is a big powerful something lurking out there, waiting to punish them in the afterlife for some transgression. 

Christianity was not the only religion with a god-child born at the winter solstice from the union of another god with a virgin, but its message was different. Jesus came up with a unique way of admitting we are wrong; unconditional love.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”(John 13, verses 34 and 35; New International Version)

A while back the following came to my notice via FaceBook. I traced it back to a webpage published on December 3, 2014 on the site same same:

“In 1995 we announced the arrival of our sprogget, Elizabeth Anne, as a daughter. He informs us that we were mistaken. Oops! Our bad. We would now like to present, our wonderful son – Kai Bogert. Loving you is the easiest thing in the world. Tidy your room.”

 The Courier Mail; Queensland, Australia

Sometimes our world view gets in the way of love and growth. Admitting we have been wrong can free us. Momentary feelings of foolishness combined with loss of face, friends, or status should seem a small sacrifice when we care for one another deeply.

Thursday, 22 December 2016

When in love

with a caterpillar, 

  remember 

             the butterfly

                         within