"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive boy who often thought he should have been a girl - -

Monday, 28 November 2016

Using Adversity

I was discussing the continued existence of this blog with a friend (no need to panic because I've no intention of dismantling anything here; read on please). In the same vein, we discussed whether the persona "Halle" is still relevant. Halle is a nom de plume for that seeker who I was, not this person who knows who she is and is living her life as well as possible now.

I want this blog to be something useful. There is one more area where my thoughts and experience can be a help to someone stumbling along a similar path to the one I followed, a path that led me to become the woman everyone sees now.

Let me suggest that something that made all the difference for me (eventually) was my stubborn refusal to numb the pain I felt any longer. Starting this blog back in 2010 was part of extensive self-examination and that is what lead me along a path to healing. If someone had told me that it was going to take five years more to work it out for myself with help along the way from so many, I might have felt defeated, but that five year process was essential. Through it came certainty.

For the transsexual, there is little room for doubt in the end. You should, you must doubt your thoughts and desires as you begin. By the time you act upon those feelings, thoughts and desires, you must, be fearless and certain of what you are doing.

That change from doubt to fearless certainty requires tremendous growth. You need to make room for a new way of seeing the world. You must be prepared to leave so much behind that cannot be taken along on that path. There might be pleasant surprises once you are on your way, but you mustn't expect them. Make no mistake, changing your sex is not for the faint of heart, and it is definitely not for someone who is ignoring any part of the pain that initiated the process in the first place.

I'm going to close with a video that was the catalyst for finally putting these ideas down. A surprisingly clear analogy that is applicable to anyone who is under stress, but resonated strongly (obviously) for me.

Love and be fiercely loyal to yourself!





Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski on Responding to Stress

Sunday, 13 November 2016

A Better World

There will be a better world - a caring and accepting world where being different won't be considered a crime or even make people afraid.

In that extraordinary world, you and I (not actually you and I but some two people who are like you and I in that future) will meet, fall in love and have our lives together. You will understand what it means that I am transsexual; that I am a woman who loves you and will care for both you and our children if we are lucky enough to have them. Nature gave me a body that seemed very wrong when I was younger, but that body will give us a chance to make our family together. 

You will bear our beautiful babies and I will be incredibly jealous. Then we shall each be both mother and father to them, and they will grow in a home filled with love.

But it is now and not then, so you and I must show the world who we are openly and happily. We shall do what we can to make that new and better world, one friend at a time, by showing those new friends they have nothing to fear from people who are different. 

If we are lucky, some day we shall see that better world together.

Saturday, 17 September 2016

The Final Purge

It was inevitable.  And about time. 

I haven't cross-dressed since February and unless that is the theme for a Halloween party someday, I don't ever expect or intend to cross-dress again. 

To be honest, purging wasn't my idea, but Mrs. H, who now wants to be known as Ms. H (which is more than a bit confusing since that is my name now... hmm, guess I could be Miss H), covets the closet and drawer space that was being taken up by men's clothing. 

So, unceremoniously tossed into five big clear plastic bags, the final evidence of a lifetime being the father and husband was donated to the local charity store. 

All of my experiences are safely stored away. I will never forget the good parts : ever. 

The time has come to travel light. 

Perhaps some guys will enjoy those sweaters and jackets and shirts and slacks that were my disguise in a time gone by for so very long.