It Never Hurts to Be Pleasant

That was something my grandfather taught me. He repeated it many times as a reminder to himself, I think, but I absorbed it. Over the years it has become clear that it means what it says. That is, being pleasant might not make others love you, but they won't have cause to hate you because you are civil and pleasant. It is true that some very pleasant people come to a bad end. I would wager that it is rarely a result of being pleasant. 

In the world I now inhabit - let me remind you, I am an older woman with a long history of behaving and looking very male - I don't try to fool people. I dress and act as a woman of my age would because that is who I am. It is pretty hard to imagine though that, with hair that betrays male-pattern baldness and the height and shoulder width that a lifetime of testosterone gave me, there aren't many who guess that I am trans. So what is a gal to do?

Remembering my years of training, I am pleasant with anyone who allows me to be that way. Because I live in a small town people generally talk to one another. It isn't like being in Toronto where commenting that the weather is beautiful to a stranger gets you dirty looks. In consequence, although people might know very well that I am trans, people also know that I am friendly. They aren't afraid of me. Sometimes they say things like "what a lovely outfit that is ... you are always so beautifully dressed". I don't think they say that to other women who come in the store, but I am always pleasant to them, so they reciprocate in their own way. I appreciate it. 

What might come of this is that people who didn't know much about trans-folk might have learned that transpeople are not scary. In high hopes, some young people who are afraid they are like me (because being different is the worst thing that can happen when you are young in our society) might realize that coming out and living your own truth isn't a bad thing.

I am currently in my early years as a senior citizen. Someday, if I am lucky, I will get old. I might be unable to care for myself. Some of the young folk in this community might be caring instead. I hope to be able to stay pleasant for them. I might even be able to continue to educate the muggles. 

It seems that you've been living two lives ...

We who live two lives, for at least some of our life, understand the reference right away. It is from 'The Matrix'.  In that film, Mr Anderson has another life online as Neo. I don't imagine every transperson creates an online persona in the gender other than the one assigned, but I had several over the years, including a lady who was my avatar in a golf game that my son and I played on the computer quite often. He has never mentioned that ... hmm.

When the character Morpheus said “What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad.” some of us got it right away. We related strongly because we knew there was something terribly wrong with our world. 

So you can read the rest here then click the link at the bottom or, of course, you can take the blue pill ...“You take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.”

I didn't see 'The Matrix' when it came out in theatres in 1999. It was in the early 2000s via VHS tape that I heard the Oracle tell me, as she told Neo "Sorry, Kid. You got The Gift, but it looks like you're waiting for something." 

What I was waiting for I had to find for myself. This article has reminded me that without the computer, and the internet, I likely would never have been able to put all the pieces together. I might never have used my gift to discover that one of my lives did have a future. 

The article is called 'I, too, was living a double life': Why trans fans connect to 'The Matrix' and it is on the NPR site in the US.