"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive girl who was fooled into believing she was a boy because of anatomy - -

Friday 8 September 2017

Rebirth

As I write this, I am doing something I really don't enjoy; sucking on a cough drop. I do it for a very practical reason. Coughing right now (and for the past three days) is really painful in a non-productive way. Let me explain.

On Tuesday, the good doctor and his surgical team did what they could to create a physical world for me that genetics could not. Using the material at hand and their extensive understanding of how the body works, they set me on a path. That is all they could do. 

I am now adrift in this new world. 

It is amazing how a Truth will turn on you if you are not careful.


It is not the world you see, but how you see the world that matters.

This world I am now in is one of new sensations and most of them are painful. They are improving. I could choose to view these only as a bad thing to be endured or something else much more useful and appropriate to my situation and the choices I've made. 

In a very real sense, there is a birth happening here. Birth, as we know, is wonderful and, at the same time, incredibly uncomfortable. 

A girlfriend my age texted me:  "How do you like being a girl now? Lol... Seriously.... hope you're not hurting too much."
And my reply to her:  "Did anyone ask you that moments after you gave birth?" Her reply was to laugh herself silly. 

This birth is happening in slow motion. I can tell that there are beautiful new parts of my body that I will soon have to care for religiously. This is what I have. This is what I want. Getting upset at the painful sensations is to miss the messages those body parts are sending. "I am here. I am alive and I'm letting you know I can feel things."

I am trying to avoid the kinds of pain that are repetitious and annoying (thus the cough drop ...). Of course, I am anxious to be done with this birthing process but, at the same time, I'm leaning into the pain so that I miss nothing. 

This is a miracle, after all.

18 comments:

  1. Sending a large heart your way, dearest Halle! I'm tearing up a bit with joy for you. There is richness in the world tonight

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  2. Happy ReBirthday, Halle! This news makes me so happy, and I know this will enrich your your life in ways you never could've imagined a few short years ago. You have earned it.

    All my love,
    Leslie

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    1. What a lovely treat to see your comment here again. Thank you so much dear Leslie!
      Love to you.

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  3. you were a woman before and this is just a final confirmation Halle. Good on you and hope that the pain subsides and you just get on with life after that

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    1. These are all part of the plan, immediate and continuing. Thanks Joanna

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  4. I'm sure there are many learnéd people out there who could offer much psychological-cum-spiritual insight into what you going through right now. But maybe, in the end, pain is just simply pain. Much sympathy for what you're going through, and hope it'll be over soon.

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    1. Thank you dear Tom. I hope this finds you well; free of pain at any rate.

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  5. "As wave is driven by wave
    And each, pursued, pursues the wave ahead,
    So time flies on and follows, flies, and follows,
    Always, for ever and new. What was before
    Is left behind; what never was is now;
    And every passing moment is renewed.”

    Ovid, Metamorphoses

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    1. I especially enjoy the what never was is now part.

      Thank you Abi x

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  6. All best wishes for your speedy recovery, Halle. May the world always treat you well.

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    1. Things are coming along well, and gradually.
      Thank you Susan. And may the world treat you well too.

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  7. Looks as if Blogger ate my previous reply. lol So I'll just second what everyone else has said. Congratulations Miss H!!! Take a bow - well, when you can, anyway. ;-p

    Hugs & love,
    Cass

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    1. If it helps at all, Blogger ate my reply as well!!! I will definitely manage a curtsey Miss C!
      See you soon.
      Love and Hugs

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  8. What Cass said! And, my reply got eaten also. Hungry Blogger.

    @Cass - Probably within a couple of miles from you right now but not for long....

    Halle - Love you, girl!

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    1. Bad, hungry Blogger! Thanks Calie. Love you too! xx

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