"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive girl who was fooled into believing she was a boy because of anatomy - -

Monday, 4 April 2011

Just a Phase?

My recent life of self-examination has taught me there are some things that are part of my nature. They fall into the "what you are", not the "what you like to do" category of activities. In that second group are activities that result from my 'sensation-seeking' nature.

Yes, I love new experiences: the feel of a texture, the smell or taste of some recipe never yet experienced, the sight of some new vista challenging me to attempt to capture it either in the lens or on the sketchpad, and for me the most seductive, a combination of sounds first heard and interpreted (I love Bach fugues); new sensory experiences delight me.

It is only natural then, that it should occur to me that all of this 'gender-confusion' might be part of that. Maybe I could be lucky. Maybe feminine feelings and pursuits might be something I needed to experience and just get past. Perhaps 'all of this' was 'just' about trying out some new stuff.

Did I mention there are some things that are part of your nature?

One more theory has made it into the trash-bin. :-(


  1. Sorry. Nice try though.

    I was challanged with something like this by my family, early on. I was a well-known "seeker." Try a lot of things, don't stick with them. And indeed I had to ask myself if this was just another episode of "seeking." I determined that it was not, but I'm not sure my family have ever been convinced. They're like that.

  2. Halle sweetie, at your age, it's definitely not just a phase.

    Melissa XX

  3. I can speak for my experiences, YMMV. This has given me a chance to see things in a new light and a new way. After much introspection I have also considered the question of "just a phase." The answer comes from the same introspection. Some of that has been disturbing as intense self examination can be.

    I have been feeling this way for many years, but have been pushing almost all of it back to appease those around me who see me as they wish to see me. The truth was to strange for them to understand and too painful for me to reveal. As long as this has been going on I conclude this could not be a phase. Phases don't last the better part of a lifetime.

    This and other realizations related to this have had potentially serious consequences.

    This is a gift Halle. We are a rare folk who get to experience it.

    For that I am thankful. I have to be. The alternative is just too awful.


  4. "Just a phase" ... oh god, how I remember trying to make that true through my 20s.

    Perhaps for some it is, but not for me. Then I spent the next ten years of my life learning to be me.

    Yeah - lots of "trying it on for size" went on during that time, but I kept moving inexorably towards what I needed.

    I don't know what your path is Halle, but I do know that as you evaluate each theory and bring your understanding of it to some kind of closure that you will learn where your path will lead.