A very long time ago in my short life blogging here, I wrote about my search for a way to live with my reality rather than fixing it. It is hard to understand a longing for something you have never had and nobody has ever described, so it was a very emotional experience to actually read someone else describe the person I wished to become.
In part one of Living with Ambiguity written almost two years ago, there is an excerpt from Annabel, the novel by Kathleen Winter. It was and continues to be that inspiration for what might be for someone with aspects and desires of both sexes in one body. I will freely admit that in my case, the male characteristics of 'warrior strength' and 'potent aggression' have never been ones personally valued in the least. My spouse values these however, and I value her.
Yesterday was wistful and today is real.
By taking spiro, I hope to reduce the detrimental effects of testosterone, and find a way to come to terms with being me, as close as possible to the person I am. My hopes are getting pretty 'last ditch' admittedly. As I have written here, the effort needed to create an all female vessel for my soul still seems extreme and is subject at my age to the law of diminishing returns.
I will concede that by taking spiro there is a possibility of ending up one step closer to that 'other path'. If that is what happens while living true to myself and doing what I truly feel is correct for me right now, then so be it.