"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive girl who was fooled into believing she was a boy because of anatomy - -

Thursday 22 November 2012

Back and Forth

Sixty is a magical number for many reasons. Alternately, it says look back and then look forward, as though it is a pivot point somehow.

Five times as old as I was when I realized I could never pretend to be a girl again, believably anyway, as my Adam's apple first began to poke out and I sang soprano for the last time.

Four times my age when I had my first 'girlfriend'. She loved being with me 'because I was a good looking guy' and she felt safe (I honestly believed that was a compliment) with me, and her parents knew they could trust me too.

Three times the age when my second girlfriend broke up with me, almost certainly because she was tired of waiting for me to 'do her' and found a 'real man' who was 'up to' the job.

Twice the age when the plan to be a good man seemed to be working perfectly, with two beautiful kids, their fabulous mom and a mortgage and sixteen hour days to prove it.

Several times there has been a knock at the door, but luckily, just a courtesy call to remind me, not a come now, it's time. When someone close gets that call to move on and join the choir eternal (no links to the parrot sketch today Python fans; you know where to go for that), you remember that the day will come for you to do likewise.

So, time for what is next, before there is no more time.

Time spent on working out who is left here when we strip away layers that were the masquerade person, and beginning to get to know the unvarnished and amazingly fresh person under it all has not been wasted.

What is next in this context has, refreshingly, nothing to do with what needs to happen to continue life, and how I dress or even what sex is written on my driver's license.

Wouldn't it be a pleasant last thought on the way out the door to know that today's what's next turned out to be something lasting.
After all, when appearances end, there are things that ripple outward.

Others have said it better ~

Sic transit gloria mundi

This too shall pass


  1. Happy birthday darling Halle.

    I understand it is warmish and sunny where you are today.

    Enjoy it, and thanks for sharing today.

    I will hoist a tumbler a little later on today in your name.

    Cheers - P

  2. So you have reached that number too? Congratulations are in order though you are clearly not overjoyed after your review...

    I personally was surprised that I managed to reach half this age so something to be grateful for.

    1. I seem to recall we are very close in age, so congratulations back Caroline.
      Gratitude here too, for being finally awake, even at this age. At one time, I figured fifty might be as old as I would manage. Glad not to have missed the last ten years certainly.

      So Cheers to you as well!

  3. what a day:
    your birthday,
    my (24th) weddingday
    will we live to see
    these to coincide again?

  4. oh and yes sorry: congratulations Halle
    you are a month ahead on me :-)

    1. A Christmas gift to your parents sixty years ago Corinna! How wonderful. :-)

  5. Happy birthday dear Halle and may all your wishes and dreams come true...


  6. Happy Birthday Hallie! No matter how late it may seem, it really isn't as late as you fear. Don't give up before the miracle happens!


    1. May all of 'what's next' for you, dear Halle, be filled with love and contentment.
      I'm swaying to the music you posted realizing that a lot of what's next happens on its own and teaches us how to deal with the next in peace.
      Warm belated birthday hugs and, since one rarely hugs without being huged back I'm sending you a big load.

  7. Sarah, I am a great believer in magic and miracles in our lives, so thank you, and a reminder for the same in your life too!

    Ellena, you are making me feel warm and cared for this morning with those hugs and such wisdom. Glad you enjoyed the music too. Now, here come those hugs flying back at you.