"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive girl who was fooled into believing she was a boy because of anatomy - -

Wednesday 7 August 2019


I realize that many think the world is in big trouble these days, and I have to agree. However, for me personally, it seems a kinder and gentler world than it did for the many decades before. One of the reasons is smiling at me right now, and, no, you can't have her. 

If I had transitioned in my twenties, now, in my late sixties, I wouldn't likely be thinking at all about being trans. But just over three years is a relatively small fraction of my life, so, well, I do think about it, and sometimes, frankly, it surprises me in very pleasant ways. 

Yesterday morning, as I was walking to the grocery store, watching the world go by, enjoying the light warm breeze, the sun came out. This is what I saw.  

I thought it was worth a picture. A silhouette cannot capture my smile, so you will have to take my word for it. 

Being trans isn't a good reason to be happy. Quite the opposite, especially for most of my life. Most women will agree that being a woman isn't a good reason to smile, especially in some countries. So why the smile? 

I have kept in touch through texts with some of the group who were recovering together from surgeries almost two years ago. We are all doing fine medically, especially the token man in the group. He has just had another surgery a few weeks back, bringing him one step closer to having the kind of body he has always felt he should have, but couldn't, without help that is. We kidded him in the texts that this winter he will be able to write his name in the snow. I mentioned that a walk in the woods will be a lot more comfortable now. He LOLd* at that and agreed. 

Mostly though, anyone who has transitioned will tell you: the best reason to smile has to do with knowing you are who you ought to be - who you should always have been but for an accident of birth and the verdict of a quick glance, followed by gender-stereotyping for life. 

Was life so terrible when I could choose to write my name in the snow? Definitely not. But that smile when I see my silhouette reminds me how much better it is when you can be comfortable in your skin - just me, as I've always felt it should be. 

*LOL (laugh out loud, not lots of love as I first imagined it might mean)


  1. "LOL". Lot's Of Love.
    an old friend ����

  2. My transition started two years ago and now for all intents and purposes I'm complete. Honestly, I was surprised to gradually find myself needing to go all the way to the righthand column of the Benjamin Scale but here I am, much happier and content than I've ever been in the previous six decades of my life.

    I agree so much with your "... the best reason to smile has to do with knowing you are who you ought to be - who you should always have been..."

    1. Oh, yes, that slide over to the righthand column surprised me as well; certain for so long that I could fight and win a battle against who I am.
      No wonder we are happy and content now!

  3. A lovely post from a happy girl!