"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive girl who was fooled into believing she was a boy because of anatomy - -

Monday, 5 April 2010

At War With Ourselves

I am not bitter about my life, even though it might seem that this would be so. The regrets expressed here are for me, but they are also for so many others who are young and afraid, and at war with themselves.

When you are forced to be someone you do not really believe in, you go to war against yourself. This is the corner we are painted into as a young male with feminine inclinations. Even with no experience of it, I have little doubt that young females with masculine inclinations follow a similar path of shame and self recrimination.

To have a really good war, it is necessary for the citizenry of the nation to truly hate the enemy. The parallel to my youth is perfect. The society I lived in did everything to convince me that feminine behavior was my enemy. I fought so effectively that I was convinced the enemy had been defeated. I buried the dead, and moved on. Her ghost lived on inside, and she hated me for what I had done. I had given in, and sided with the forces of evil (from her point of view).

If my world had been more understanding when I was making those decisions, I might have been spared living a life at war with myself. It definitely would have helped to be better informed and not isolated in my crisis.

Here is something that gives hope for the youth of today who find themselves in the same place; a camp for trans- kids in Maine.

It is called Camp Aranu’tiq and looks like it is very real. How wonderful for kids whose parents are open to it, and can get them there. The program is free.

You may want to point any of our sisters with extra funds in their direction to make a donation (after checking it out carefully, naturally). The site lists staff, so that should make it possible to check the validity. Anyhow, good on them!

Any day we stop a war is a good day!




  1. Wow! This is absolutely amazing. How wonderful for today's TG kids.

    I guess I was born in the wrong generation.

    Calie xxx

  2. I know I was born of a different generation!

  3. I'd like to think we were all born at the right time in the right place...for a reason. Learning to forget regret is a very difficult thing to do. Moving forward in accepting where we are and looking to the future is critical.

    Glad you shared. Oh, and thanks to Calie for helping me find your blog. I featured you on T-Central.


  4. A great start, Halle! And it's nice to have a clue to your appearance after these many months. You are going to add a lot to our community. I'm glad you've decided to share yourself with the bigger world. Good on you, girlfriend!

  5. I spent most of my youth being told what boys did and didn't do. The effect is still there today - watch a sad film, go through a painful process and I'll cry inside with nothing showing on the outside 99% of the time. But when it does come through it comes through as torrents.

    Assuming that the camp is legitimate it sounds great.

    Keep up the blogging.

  6. I am pleased to have found your blog. I can relate to your past as I think a lot of us can.
    It really is amazing how well we are able to hide this until we cant bear to keep it hidden any more.