One of the most disturbing situations since outing myself to my sweetie was finding late last year that a local charity was likely to ask me to be one of the men doing drag for a fundraiser. I’m no prude, in fact the guy is usually a ‘good sport’, but this activity would have involved making fun of ‘being a woman’.
It offended me to even think of doing this. None of our friends know about Halle, so they would have thought 'I' was just being a 'party pooper'. "What's the problem? Be a good sport."
In the end, others stepped forward, and I was spared the conflict it would have created.
Trying to be really honest about this incident is hard; I’ll give it a try, but those of you who can relate might chime in if you have other theories from your own experience.
My theory: it’s not about doing drag, something that, done by others, does not offend me at all. I feel like it has to do with the love of my life thinking that not only is there a woman living inside her ‘knight’, but the woman only wants to dress up; she isn’t seriously female. Over time I hope to show her that my feminine nature deserves a proper outlet, in dress that is appropriate to the situation, because like all women, looking my best is something I value. Even though I maintain the façade, there is a big part of me that sees me as a woman now. I want her first to see all the other feminine qualities I value that have nothing to do with dressing up.
Maybe I don't do drag because a woman doing drag should dress as a man?
Maybe I'm confused.