"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive girl who was fooled into believing she was a boy because of anatomy - -

Wednesday, 22 December 2010

Not A Popularity Contest

That might sound a bit strange, but as things wind down here at my blog of self-discovery, I need to remind myself what brought me here, after all, I am not a rock star... :)

Blogs come and go, and I have wondered about the ending of blogs before, and still feel badly about the loss of several. Remember that we are all here for different reasons. I write to understand myself. Others write to document their changes, and on it goes; so many different reasons to write, and for you gentle reader, to read. We pick and choose, and follow where we want to, and avoid those who might have content that has offended, or we found uninteresting. This is the ultimate democracy, isn't it? The only regret I have is the knowledge that somewhere out there is a writer who has something to tell me, but I have not found her yet. I will continue to search, because there is still a lot to understand about myself that has not been explored.

I wrote above that things are winding down. Let me explain that this is not drama folks, this is me trying to find what I am and what I am not. Letters to my younger self are not a set of instructions, just gentle thoughts I wish had been there for me to access so long ago.  I feel no compulsion to tell anyone what conclusions I have come to because of what does appear here which, I think, has been feelings and thoughts that have surrounded the process, and every now and then, some nugget of deep thought (thanks Tasha) along the way. What I have mostly learned is how not alone I really am. Thank you to all who have let me know about that. The loneliness of our situation is so difficult to bear.

On the subject of comments, being told the obvious is affirming, but being told something totally surprising and sometimes challenging has moved me along, and maybe it has done the same for others who dip in here. Those new thoughts and changes they have brought have shortened the life of this blog, something that, ironically, I am happy to report.

I do not intend to remove anything here because (no modesty here) the kind of stuff that has gone on here is exactly what I would like to have found on the web to help me understand myself better, and maybe someone who is just like me is about to 'tune in'. If so, scanning through the contents from day one might be useful to them.

I might post again; we will see. If I don't think of anything more to say on the process, or the feelings about it... time will tell.

I am most thankful for the good friends met along the way. Hopefully, some correspondences generated by a brief interaction here will continue, and become 'normal' in the sense of just keeping in touch. My blog has never been about the real me, or what was going on in my daily interaction, apart from how it might have affected my search for the authentic person living in this body who put up a front for so many years. There are some folk who know me better because of our conversations via email. Who knows where things go from here? Life continues to be a mystery!

Try to be true to yourself out there since that is all you really can do, eh? :) (Canadian content regulations, you know)


  1. Dear Halle

    I have taken a great deal of value from your writing here, and so I will miss your frequent missives.

    With that said, I understand fully the need to take the foot off the pedal.

    It is easy to be beguiled by the "needs" of your audience, and to believe that publishing is a responsibility you owe to others. You don't after all.

    I look forward to continued correspondence, and to any post you feel inclined to make here in your beautiful online home.

    Gratefully yours,

  2. Halle, I hope you don't disappear altogether. Your gentle presence here in Blogistan will be sorely missed

    I hope you are staying warm up there in the frozen wastelands of the north, and that you are enjoying the season.

    Melissa XX

  3. I for one shall miss your thoughts waiting to be read as shall the large number of other followers you have accumulated.

    As you say we are here for different reasons, I am sorry you never found that one special writer you wanted to find.

    I hope you continue to read and contribute your valuable thoughts.

    Caroline xxx

  4. We write when we feel the need to write.

    Dear friend, I hope we will stay in touch no matter what.


  5. When I came here you became a friend. That I am not willing to let go. Stay in touch, be well

  6. I enjoyed your writings, and I will enjoy the knowledge of the fact that you're taking care of yourself. Stay well.

  7. Halle,

    As you may have guessed, I follow several blogs as I navigate through the landscape we all share. I have a few favorites. Yours is one of them. While I haven't commented on everything, I have read the vast majority of what you have put out there. You have a wonderful gift and I feel privileged to have been able to experience it. When I jumped into the fray here, you were one of the first replies to an early post of mine. I can still remember how you made me feel welcome.

    Echoing Petra, I can understand the need to hit the pause button. Recalling a line from the Rush tune "Time Stand Still", "I'm not looking back, but I want to look around me now." Sometimes we need to stop the chaos and take a breather.

    Wherever you go and whatever happens, remember that you have a lot of friends here who dearly care about you. We're here if you need a hand or a shoulder. Take care.

    And it's not "goodbye", it's "see ya later".


  8. Yes, Halle. Please DO , stay in touch.


  9. Dear Halle,
    I have come a little late to this post due to snow, deadlines and other Christmas stuff, and got a shock. I am saddened to think of a "fade out" from your blog- a blog which has helped me, and I suppose "resonated" with my own situation. I will keep in touch of course. The song I posted a week or two ago- "Don't fade away" was intended for someone who is having a hard time....but now it's for you too. Please don't let Halle fade away, after all (and apologies to Socrates) the examined life is the most rewarding! Few blogs really examine the interior of our lives the way yours has.

  10. Well, I see you have done a subsequent post, and I am so glad that is the case. You have a lot to say, Halle, and you say it so well.

    It looks like Anne has left us, and that is a pity, because she has had a lot to say that many do need to read. Let's hope you do decide to stick around.

    I blog only when I have something worth while to say and when I have the time to write it (which I have not had much of for several months). I think that some bloggers out there feel that they need to write daily. They do, and then get burned out. Don't let that happen to you.

    Calie xxx