"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive girl who was fooled into believing she was a boy because of anatomy - -

Monday 6 June 2011

On My Mind

If you always think what you've always thought,

You will always do what you've always done.

If you always do what you've always done,

You will always get what you've always got.

If you always get what you've always got,

You will always think what you've always thought.
(author unknown)

law of diminishing returns
The tendency for a continuing application of effort or skill toward a particular project or goal to decline in effectiveness after a certain level of result has been achieved.


Sail when the wind starts to blow
But like a fool I don't know when to leave.


  1. Heavy thoughts indeed.

    I believe I understand your use of the law of diminishing returns. There are so many factors in our lives that serve as anchors. Some might call it the "old ball and chain"...lol. We often feel powerless to throw off those shackles. In reality we make those decisions personally, and with great pondering, struggling, turmoil, fear, and the worst of all...guilt.

    So often, the options mean we must choose whether to love our self first, or love someone else first. Do we sacrifice our total fulfillment for the fulfillment of others? So often the answer is yes. For some it's no. For others it's a double-minded dilemma that confounds and confuses us forever...a decision we refuse to face with a yes or no answer. Double-mindedness produces great stress and depression. There is no plague like the unanswerable question we face. To T or not to T...is THAT the question? Hang in there.

  2. It is like the first circle of hell.

  3. Wow - a kindred soul. I've felt the same way, disabled, although for the longest time I could not identify (or avoided finding) the source of my alienation from society. I'd totally suppressed (and arbitrarily) so many parts of myself that should have let me be sociable that I'd come to near total isolation from everyone else.

    I came out to myself because I found that in Second Life I was only comfortable as female. In fact, I was much more social and even witty playing my female avatar that it affected my real life. My coworkers even remarked that I had suddenly gained 'a sense of humor'.

    Its a long story, and far from over, but I too am trying to find ways to remove the blocks that I built so long ago to suppress those parts of me that I must have arbitrarily chosen to hide as too feminine. I'd like to do it without needing to transition. I quit even needing to cross dress a long time ago and don't really want to start that again, even if it may be the 'quickest' to get in contact with that woman who hides herself away from me. I do need her, she is holding all those parts of me that would 'complete' me.

    Started psychotherapy a week ago and opening up, coming out for the first time, was amazingly easy. Hopefully my therapist will find a way around the blocks I've built.

    Wish me luck!
    - Mirame

  4. Mirame, I found myself nodding in agreement with your comment. The liberation of the better part of ourselves can work wonders, even if the confusion is hard to deal with sometimes.

    Good luck kindred spirit!