"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive girl who was fooled into believing she was a boy because of anatomy - -

Monday, 18 July 2011

Like Banging Your Head

"Why do you bang your head on the wall like that?"
"It feels so good when I stop!"

There was a time not so terribly long ago when personal self-acceptance seemed an impossible dream. The feelings then, so confused, drove me to seek any kind of temporary relief from myself. Over time, it dawned on me that if I kept on that path, eventually I would end my life. I hated myself that much.

As I look around our world, so much of what we consume seems to be in the category of temporary relief in the form of escape from reality. Industries, and crime syndicates have sprung up to provide them. Seductively designed to give the user a rush, when seen through dispassionate eyes, these 'items' are sometimes expensive, often bizarre and always geared to give that temporary release, then send you back for more, while increasing feelings of shame. Like a drug, the 'hit' needs to be elevated to be effective the next time.

Such is the item referenced in a post on July 17th by Miz Know-it-All; a prosthetic that promises to give the wearer the temporary illusion of being a woman. The item comes complete with photographic evidence and glowing customer recommendations.

We all bring our own perspective, of course. Miz K feels speechless and ill. I feel sad; awful terrible sad, and left to wonder how much further down the road away from self-acceptance such a purchase eventually moves the user (or is it used?).

I will not judge those who find themselves so confused, so desperate for some relief from themselves that they would be driven to acquire that and other 'items' in order to escape. Judging them would be to condemn myself at an earlier age; a time when I might in quiet, self-loathing desperation, have tried that or something like it too.

Numbing ourselves is never a solution to a problem. Realizing what it is that we are doing and finding a way to stop the self-hatred is a necessary first step to regaining control of our life.

If you have made choices that you regret, join the human race. We all have them.

If you feel truly at peace with yourself and the world, you are not hurting yourself are you? If not, consider the folly of hitting your head on the wall, just to feel better when you stop.

Miz Know-it-All's post here.


  1. It is not at all surprising that you have a very different take on this than Miz K. The degree of desperation necessary to get to the point where someone would buy such a contraption is truly stunning.

    Of course everyone only sees and searches for the depravity and never the despair. And in this act and gesture the self-hatred of the object grows and sometimes becomes an insurmountable obstacle to life.

  2. Honestly, I can't imagine wearing such a device. Same goes for any of the other items some of my CD friends covet, such as breast forms, hip pads, etc. Don't have a problem with them using various enhancements but, for me, it's either the real thing or nothing.

    Now, with that said, after transition and HRT, we can discuss a breast augmentation if necessary :)