"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive girl who was fooled into believing she was a boy because of anatomy - -

Saturday 20 October 2012

What common frame of reference?

There are things that go on in our lives that we have no trouble telling folks about because they just get it. Everyone has been there and done something so similar that we can empathize right away. We share a common frame of reference. 

The first time I remember hearing the phrase used was in a Star Trek movie, I think it was the fourth. Mr. Spock, having been recently resurrected, is quizzed by Dr. McCoy:
"Come on Spock, you have been where no one else has gone. Tell me what was it like?" and Mr. Spock tells him "I cannot. We have no common frame of reference." 

These last few weeks have been such a gift. My mind is calm and clear. I understand who I am and what it means for me to be transsexual, even as I know that being drug-induced, nothing is certain in the long-term.
Wondering how I might explain to a 'civilian', I feel like Spock. I have spent so much time fighting tooth and nail to avoid transition and it has made me able to accomplish more right now, and to be a kinder and more accepting person.  Beyond wondering how I could explain transition to a loved one, I wonder if there is any way to share something of the journey so far with others who know nothing of transsexuality.
No doubt some folk wouldn't want to listen, no matter how well thought out my attempts.
I would love to be reminded who included this poster in their blog in the recent past. It might have been LeAnne. I love the sentiment and understand it better because of that struggle for self-acceptance.
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Recently my friend Ellena wrote a post on the deer in her garden. She and I live in the great Canadian woodlands, separated by a provincial border, but not so terribly far from one another. 
Here wildlife comes and goes at its own pace usually along predictable paths. In those places, deer and moose are definitely a danger to drivers and there is little we can do about it other than drive cautiously. 
But wait! Maybe this woman has an idea that might work!


  1. Humans! What must the deer think of us?

    Having "two" frames of reference does make some of us special...

    1. :-)

      Sometimes it would be pleasant to be able to brag a little about just how special we are, wouldn't it?

  2. I am not sure that all the muggles see our gift as special sadly


    1. As long as we remember that what we are is not wrong or shameful or crazy or... now you have me imagining Vernon Dursley twisting his face in rage at our audacity to think ourselves special. Thanks Becca! xx

  3. "Muggles", now that is hilarious, thanks so much for that "common frame of reference!"
    Halle, it is so good to read that your mind is calm and clear and that you understand who you are and what it means! I find great joy in that knowledge for you! You have achieved so much with that.
    I extend my love, Laurie.

    1. Thank you Laurie. Of course, you have to remember I am Canadian. This means I am convinced that since it is good, it is also temporary. I am basking in the glow, waiting for the 'shoe to drop'. In the meantime, joy is shared and love too. <3

  4. Thank you Halle for mentioning my name in same sentence as "my friend".
    I wish I could suggest a safe way of sharing your journey with us whomever we are.
    You will no doubt make mistakes when trying, but not trying would definitively be a mistake. I wish I were a bit younger and lived a bit closer to you.
    Imagine, I had to google muggle.
    Love this video.

    1. Thank goodness for google to find out what things mean!

      I do hope someday we can break bread together.

  5. Yes, that was my post and now you owe me a royalty fee!

    Having to explain yourself to a person whom is completely ignorant on transsexuality is nothing short of wasting time, effort and your breathe in order for them to understand why we are the way we are. Reality is, I don't even understand! Therefore, I have chosen not to explain. Why is it their business anyway? It's none. The public tends to have to put a label on everything that is incomprehensible to them just so they can identify a person without having to understand and then filing them away into a group. Example; gay, lesbian, amish, christian, Indian, farmer, and the list goes on and on.

    Every day I have to look into the evil mirror to do my hair and make up. Not once, have I seen a label stamped on my forehead. There is no "T" or anything else that the public can look at and then file me into their appropriate group like files on a computer. However, on my identification there is one label that is the only label I will ever identify me.


    Nothing more, nothing less. People cannot handle the truth. Why should I waste my time?

    1. Seems to me you have the right attitude. You are a woman; full-stop and let the rest go. Even in my case, it may be much simpler to take advantage of increasingly thick skin giving no thought to an explanation as I slowly cross the gender divide. Certainly there is no way to avoid the hated label game. Sadly even among those who have personal experience of transsexuality it often seems people are saying "you are dealing with your life challenges differently from what I did, so your way is wrong.

  6. Oh, and by the way. Your example of the woman and the deer crossing is proof of just how ignorant people are and the extreme measures they will go because they just don't get it.

    Really? I mean, how daft?!?!?

    1. Listening to this, I honestly tried to find evidence that it was a 'put-on' but she really is that daft. Definitely an example of frame of reference not shared (thank goodness!).

  7. The video is absolutely hilarious, Halle. I got a good laugh out of it.

    The poster just says it all, doesn't it?

    And regarding your "calm", I am so happy for you.

    Calie xxx

    1. Yes, I do love that poster. Must remember to send LeAnne her royalty cheque! :)