"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive girl who was fooled into believing she was a boy because of anatomy - -

Tuesday 5 November 2013

A Matter of Trust

Life gets complicated when you insist, as I do, on hiding part of yourself from the world. 
A very pleasant part of that complex life is a result of relationships built online during almost four years since a comment and follow-up email began my first online friendship. She was a prolific writer and music lover (we shared that) who lived in the Piedmont, less than half a day's drive away. I always dreamed that someday it would be my good fortune to finally meet her in person. Alas, that was not to be.

I consider myself very lucky now to have many who I have corresponded with. Some I don't hear from anymore; confirmed female now, they have little to say perhaps, and there seems to be an expectation that when we do chat, it is going to include something about being trans, which they have left behind. 

Great care has been taken to avoid references here that might easily lead someone to our door. It isn't that I mistrust everyone. Most of those who correspond with me eventually find out enough that if it mattered to them, they could find out our address, phone number and my birth name. I trust these people. Some I could do the same, but unless one of you invites me to dine (yes please :-) ), I won't be looking to find you. We write about hobbies and travel and what our families are like and sometimes a lot more! Naturally, it depends on who the friend is, and what we have in common, other than the obvious information that originally drew us to one another. 

In a recent post, a reader who lives north of me (as Calie says "You mean there are people north of you!?" LOL) left a comment. I suggested in a reply to them that maybe they could email and we could get to know each other a bit. 

Sadly, there has been no email. I am taking a guess that my anonymous friend didn't click on the button that sends a notice when further comments are posted. 

For "North of Halle"'s benefit, and anyone else who has ever wanted to make that first contact, I have a hotmail dot com address and it is very simple:     rushtonic


  1. A mix of sadness and hope, garnished with realism. I suppose it has always been, and will continue to be, a fact that when "issues" have been dealt with satisfactorily, people move on. In some areas there will be those who remain around to help others along the path; for others it will be a case of muddling through as best as they can.

    A saying from the northern parts of England says something like, "There's nowt as queer as folks." Maybe, amongst all that queerness that makes humanity what it is, there is a deeper undercurrent that does not separate us, but draws us together. There is hope for those who do not give up, and who move forward with a good heart.

    As ever, I continue to wish you well.

    1. Tom, thank you.

      I dream of a world where everyone accepts that deep undercurrent.

      As for those who move on, imagination doesn't really give anyone an idea of what sort of drive it is that exists for a transsexual. Those who transition and seek a way to get on with their life free of reminders of that time deserve it. They have paid for it over and over.

  2. The saddest thing about blogs is the lack of dialogue. Some of that is just down to human nature but Blogger does not help with every site having different follow up requirements and some sites just seem impossible to get follow ups from…

    Your Piedmont blogger was a shining example of how to do it and though she has departed this world over two years ago she was in my thoughts earlier today and now mentioned again here. I never imagined that online friendships could become so strong until I gave it a try and would recommend others to also give it a try.

    1. Blogger does puzzle me with that variety of levels of security. I have found for instance, that some blogs you have to "edit" before the "notify me" option appears. Strange.

      I have good news! Tonight an email arrived from January, aka "North of Halle".

      We can certainly attest to the strength those online friendships! :-)

    2. Caroline, you are so right, and I miss her too.

      Calie xxx

  3. I'm very glad you received an email from North of Halle. There is nothing more valuable to me than making connections, and at a certain point, a person can't help but want to continue those you become attached to.

    1. Thank you Dar. While I do not know the details of your situation, it seems to me you have given a lot of thought on the subject, and I am sorry about the difficulties and heartbreak it seems to have come to.

      When we care so much about the people around us, there is a greater risk of hurt. Yet I know, for me caring is not optional.

  4. That must always hurt, because I know when I hold back my caring, for whatever reason, something inside of me cries.

  5. North of Halle would really benefit from your friendship, Halle. I do hope you two connect.