"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive girl who was fooled into believing she was a boy because of anatomy - -

Saturday 22 August 2015

What Does That MEAN?

Many are asking me how HRT is affecting me, and of course, the answer is, it is way too early for any effects worth mentioning. Am I at all concerned about the possible effects? Yes, absolutely!

In two years, I will officially be able to compete in sporting competitions as a woman. Clearly, some statistician has determined that this is long enough for my body to be officially in the normal range for female strength and speed and the like. Now, at 65 years of age, it seems unlikely I will running the 100m dash, or be hefting those 20kg bags of stuff around at that point. I never was a runner, and can barely manage that big bag of stuff now. We will simply have to buy smaller containers of stuff or find a sturdy (male?) friend to help. We will manage somehow.

No, that doesn't concern me at all, because the only sport I am fond of is golf, and if my average distance that I can send a ball becomes less than now, that will be just fine. Golf is a game (Mark Twain's good walk spoiled comment notwithstanding) and I shall have fun no matter.

There are other much more serious matters on my mind.

It seems from looking around at how women are treated here, and in other parts of the world that I need to be concerned that I will gradually become less technically adept (here ma'am, let me show you how to do that). In some places women are not allowed to drive a car.
It seems I will be less intelligent and emotionally unstable to the point where in some places I wouldn't be able to get an education or hold office, or even vote in some cases. Even getting a job will be harder, and if I do, it is likely my pay will be less than it would have as a man.

I will have the advantage of being quite senior, so shouldn't have to worry about being forced into sex with someone I don't care for or even know, and yet, in May of this year in the UK, and last month in Brooklyn senior women learned otherwise.

I am guessing that these are only a few of the things that living female will cause me to rethink. Lots of good things too... hopefully.

So you tell me. What does this all mean.


  1. Welcome to the world where men will now patronise you, simply for being a woman. It was one of the main reasons I transitioned into a man. I'm sure there are some good things about being a woman, sadly having lived most of my life as one, I can't think of any, but I'm sure other ladies here will tell you it's wonderful. :)

    1. Perhaps what is highlighted here is how compelled we are to find congruence, even if reason says we would be wise to accept what fate has handed us.
      As privileged my life has been simply because of a body part I've always disliked, I find it hard to say much good about being male.

  2. I remember constantly going over all your points even as a teenager Yet there was still an overwhelming conviction thatI should be in the discriminated against group. It looked really bad back then and as bad as it still looks, woman's place in our world has progressed beyond our wildest dreams.

    The real aim is to try and find your "true self", those who have taken it for granted their whole lives can never start to understand...

    1. Our lifetime has definitely seen huge changes for the better.
      However, I find it particularly galling to see men use religion or culture as an argument against giving all humans the same rights, when in truth the only real argument they have is that of the brute, wielding a big stick and shouting.
      Oh dear, have I revealed something of my true self here?

  3. I think I've got two more years before I can take part in triathlons and actually compete for prizes or age group places. As far as I'm aware I have to be two years post op. Its not stopped me from taking part in races but I know that if I actually did win something I'd have to turn it down, possibly by outing myself if I was asked why I wasn't accepting a prize.

    At the moment I've not had too much of men treating me like I can't understand what their talking about when it comes to things like modern technology. I think that's usually because when we do have to talk to sales persons then I ask technical questions which they are forced to answer and not brush off otherwise they end up looking like they know less than I do.

    1. You make a really good point that most men will quickly avoid "man-speak" if you begin the conversation by letting them know that you are knowledgeable.
      As well, right on that one has to have two years after the T factory is shut down before being allowed to compete as a woman.
      Thanks Jenna.

  4. Hi Halle
    There may be a new opportunity to excel at golf .
    Now just to be sure here is my golfing lament I composed to keep you “on the ball” so to speak.
    Golf ball responds to its golfing master
    Golf devil sows thoughts of disaster
    Until one finds a temporary respite
    Golfing thoughts in a more positive light
    Why couldn’t you do all that before?
    Don’t think! Play! Score!
    Use your new insight
    To make the call
    Don’t think

    Best wishes

    1. Spoken like a true golfer/philosopher Lindsay.
      As a good friend observed, you must be fearless to play golf well.

  5. I always read your posts, although I confess to ignorance on certain aspects of being transgender. I have delayed commenting on this post out of a reticence about talking of my ignorance, and hence the possibility of inadvertently causing offence. And I have always sought to be a supportive friend.

    In the case of lesbians and homosexuals, they remain as they are oriented but within their physical bodies. What causes me discomfort is the apparent need for a transgender person to alter their bodies by surgery and HRT. It feels to me like a state where something couldn't quite make up its mind, leaving the resulting person with the need to undergo processes which seem to amount to self harm.

    As I have implied, I have never wanted to, even inadvertently cause harm or offence. But, clearly, there have been times when I have wanted to support, and encourage, but have been unable to do so out of ignorance of what takes place in the mind of something like yourself. Oddly, I feel your religious affiliations a great help, for reasons I cannot define.

    I do sincerely, and out of love, wish you well on your private journey.

    1. Our online friendship is such that I always know your comments are meant in love and caring ways.
      So to put it simplistically, imagine yourself in a sexual relationship. Your sexual orientation, hetero/homosexual, has to do with the anatomy of your partner.
      Your sex is the anatomy you have during that sexual encounter.

      Those who seek gender reassignment find ourselves in the unenviable position of feeling incongruence in most of our activities. Through my life I can now see that I gravitated to the activities where my sex mattered least.

      You ask really good questions dear Tom. Thank you.

    2. Oh, and yes, corrective surgery can seem like self harm for those who cannot feel or see the disfigurement. Think of reassignment like fixing a cleft palate and it will give you a better image.

  6. Sorry! Changed my mind in mid-sentence and failed to notice that I had used the word 'something' instead of 'someone' in the penultimate paragraph.

    1. I had figured that like most of us, from time to time, you had been ambushed by the predictive text gremlin Tom.
      See http://www.damnyouautocorrect.com/13603/the-25-funniest-autocorrects-of-dyacs-first-year/

  7. I hope that HRT is bringing you peace of mind in that you no longer feel blown about by opposing winds.

    1. Peace of mind and focus Ellena. Those opposing winds have calmed for sure.