"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive girl who was fooled into believing she was a boy because of anatomy - -

Thursday 14 June 2018

On Things Learned From Others

The years of this blog have been mostly spent in self-reflection. For a refreshing change, this post is a reflection on others, and their reaction to my transition - oh dear, sounds like it is all about me after all.

Most people have been great; typically self-absorbed, but friendly when approached in a friendly way. 

More surprising, it seems there are perfect strangers who get angry at the audacity of one who has taken charge of their life, refusing to conform to anyone else's idea of what is correct for them. Perhaps they are jealous, wishing they could find the nerve to follow what they know in their hearts to be true, instead of the dictates of society. 

From some friends and family members, I learned that what their particular version of the Christian gospels says (or, is badly interpreted to say) is of huge importance. Some of these former friends and family stopped speaking to me as soon as I told them. One quoted their badly translated version of the bible to me in emails before cutting off communication completely. I can only suppose that they all feared contact would threaten their immortal souls.

From my musical friends, it has become clear that in music, what matters most is the music and the love that comes through that music.

From a friend who teaches motivation to others, I learned that being myself was a truly wonderful thing for some. She actually said "You aren't sh***ing me are you??? That's wonderful!!"

From my spouse of decades, I learned that there are some for whom the most important thing in life is how they are seen by others. "What will ______ say? We won't have any friends. Everyone is going to shun us."

From my children I learned that being a parent who loved and supported them meant that they would support me right back. "You will still be our father, won't you?" They have a father who is a woman, and we get along just the way we always have. 

From my partner, the love of my life, I am continuing to learn what it means to accept and cherish without conditions. 

My knowledge of the rest of the human race is enriched as those around me have been pushed into revealing things about themselves that lie on the edge of their behaviour. 

I have learned from my closest friends through all this, that, as it says in Proverbs, there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother, or in my version, sister. 

What does one do with a collection of such knowledge? We make better informed choices about the sort of person we want to be, of course. 


  1. What I learned from others roughly follows your pattern.

    What stands out for me is that all the decades of worry and expectation and fear did not play out in reality.

    My coldest responses were from some family members who have taken an age to warm up to me but they are more than compensated for by those who stepped closer to the honest, open, new real me.

    Heck, even some bloggers like me!

  2. I always say that we are our own worst enemies and we imagine everyone will reject us when this is not true at all. The more I have come out to people the more I have learned this. Those who reject without even trying to comprehend aren't worth our effort since their blinders are more important to them. What will people say? It doesn't matter. What matters is what we think and those we love most and who love us in return...

  3. *Great* post, Miss H!!! So true, particularly the peculiarly vehement reactions from those who not so secretly despise you for doing what they never dared: taking charge of your life and daring to believe you deserve to be happy. More power to you, hon!


    1. Here's to us Miss Cassidy!


  4. More and more I feel myself to be something of an outsider here. However, I will insist on saying that it is clear that you have shown great courage in the way you have dealt with your transgender subject.
    It is something of a tragedy that so many people sleep-walk through life, adhering to the old, comfortable systems that allows them to continue to sleep, rather than wake up to new, exciting realities. I am very pleased to read that you have found so much of benefit in your journey through life. May it continue to be so.

    1. Tom, perhaps you have never found yourself in the position of one who must defy society's norms. Still, your steadfast support and insights convinces me that we are somehow birds of a feather in some ways. Your comment about people who sleep-walk is so perfect.

      Our life journey should be an adventure it seems to me, and mine certainly has been, and continues to be that.

      All the very best.