"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive girl who was fooled into believing she was a boy because of anatomy - -

Friday 30 July 2010


A post by Veronica this past week has me reflecting on the rather large number of ‘Platonic’ relationships I have had with women over the years.

These include several girls I played with in my pre-pubescent days (Platonic by necessity). Those experiences set the tone and expectations for many more. I distinctly recall my father admonishing me that it was not a compliment to have your girlfriend describe you as ‘safe’. It might actually be that many women over the years knew, or at least felt what I have only realized recently.

One friendship, the last of its kind happened twelve years after sweetie and I were married. This friendship deepened way too much, spilled over and came close to becoming romantic, which, sadly, ended our friendship. We had shared so much in a short time; ideas, feelings, you know the sort of discussions good friends have. When it ended, I felt a space in my heart that took a long time to get over. Thank you Veronica for sending my thoughts down this path, even though I now envy you and all the rest of the women in the world even more than I did a couple of weeks ago for that mental intimacy you share so rarely with the men around you.


  1. I remember a few very good friendships with women, that just seemed to fizzle, because I could never find the courage to come out to them, and there just didn't seem to be any point in carrying the relationship on. I didn't want to be their boy friend, or even their boy pal, I wanted to be their girlfriend, but how was I to tell them that?. The sad thing, was that these were platonic relationships, and I think that if only I had the courage to reveal myself at the time, we really could have been great girlfriends. Sigh!

    Melissa XX

  2. Oh yes, "safe". I know that one. As the well-spoken and polite one who didn't have spaghetti arms I rapidly became aware in my younger days that I was the "safe" one my female friends could introduce to their parents.

  3. Thank you for this insight, Halle. Yes, friendships between men and women can get complicated. Mine always did. I hope you can find more that don't get complicated like that.

  4. Sadly I have only ever had one like this, never seen as safe until someone had finally accepted me but even then they kept their distance.

    Out of the blue I found myself with a real best friend who just happened to be female, we early on came to an agreement that it would not go beyond friendship but because we became so comfortable with each other we were constantly being mistaken for a married couple. Perhaps in some ways we were closer than married couples not having the baggage that entails, sadly the worry that others would misunderstand out relationship drove her to become distant.

    I doubt that I shall ever get over it or find a replacement in this lifetime.

    Caroline xxx