Beginning with that first email, it has been clear to me that I have been accepted as a female writer, as crazy as my physical appearance would make that. It felt natural and right then, and it still does now. Today, in a post elsewhere, I have been reminded that it is not so for everyone and it does not bother me at all, apart from the obvious incongruity with past experience.
In this place some of us call Blogistan, I am Halle. In the ‘real’ world (whatever that is), I am not called Halle at all. The fact is, no matter where I am or what I am doing, I am Halle now within myself. I am “Lady and Gentleman, both and neither” because that is how I think. I answer to many other names, depending upon the circumstances. All of these names are appropriate and I cherish most of them. Some of them, like 'dad', I have worked hard over the years to deserve, just as I would if it could have been 'mom'. These other names assume one gender; male. One of them does not assume that I am male, and I am very grateful for that, because the part of me that responds to the stimuli of the world as a female very much needs validation, and it needs it way out of proportion just because all of the other names relate only to that male part.
Did it surprise me to be called Halle and be called ‘he’ in the same context? Yes. Did it hurt? Yes, then no. After I thought about it, in that context it made sense. The author is writing in his own blog, after all. I do what I want here, he does what he wants there. If anything I write here helps another seeker, I am content. If it helps them in ways I could never have imagined, and in order to do that they need to gender me M, so be it.
Having said all of that, it sure does feel right and good to referred to as ‘she’ and ‘her’ most of the time here in good old Blogistan.
If that's who you are, skin and bones are irrelevant when the heart speaks of your true self.ReplyDelete
Obviously I have a male side, that I was forced to develop as a child, to protect me from a hostile world, but I choose not to reveal it here. Aside from my support group, this is the one place I can consistently interact with everyone completely in the gender I was born in, and not the one I was arbitrarily assigned to live in, based on what developed between my legs in the womb.ReplyDelete
Unlike women who were raised as girls, and take being female for granted, we need the occasional validation of others. You are who you say you are, Halle, and I will always respect that.
I haven't seen the particular blog that you're refering to so I could be over reacting to this. Sure, you have a male side, as do I and many others who are here. We never asked for it to be this way and there's only so much that any of us can do about it. Many of us can't do anything about it because of our personal situations.ReplyDelete
Whether or not this person may be trying to help someone this is, IMHO, a clear misgendering of you, which is truly a low down, dirty, rotten, nasty, hateful thing to do! Yes, this person is well within their rights to say whatever they wish in their own blog but that doesn't change the fact that it's just plain wrong! I'm glad that you appear to be blowing this off.
Halle, About helping others here in blogger land. I can almost guarantee that yes, you have helped someone. Anytime you are willing to open your heart and life to others, some will bond with you. Some may be just hanging around, reading blogs, and otherwise doing research about their transgenderism. I know this is true because this is exactly what I did. I was lucky enough to arrive right when LoriD was seriously beginning her transition. She taught me many things about myself and my TG life. She opened her life to the world and MANY reaped real benefit from her writings.ReplyDelete
What you write resonates with many that are in the same boat as you. Keep sharing and teaching...I believe it is very important for you to continue.
One other thing. If you think it's great being referred to as "she" here in blogger land, just wait until I talk you into stepping out in public and some person calls you "ma'am." :)Suzi
You are "she" to me, Halle. Dunno what's up with that other person.ReplyDelete
I can see where that would've upset you, Halle. Maybe etiquette is more highly valued in this province of Blogistan.ReplyDelete
I am sure you smile a little when someone calls you by your name, and uses the proper pronouns. I know I do when the same courtesy is afforded to me. I don't mind returning the favor.
Hugs your way.
I just left a comment on the 'offending' blog. In case you are interested in it and the post that generated it, here is the url:ReplyDelete
This evening, the author of the imitations blog contacted me, and apologized for any offense I might have taken. I have accepted his apology, and hope to continue a dialogue with him, privately, in hopes of increasing both of our understandings of ourselves and others in our complex community of seekers.ReplyDelete
Oh my....I just read it. I've never seen the blog and I thought I had seen all of them! Going to feature it on TC, Halle? [just kidding]ReplyDelete
There is so much I could say about this but much of it I just don't want to say on a public comment.
In short, what I read from you are the words of someone with female brain. I think of you as female as I assume you think of me. I just can't imagine you in any other form and don't want to.
My close friends refer to me as Calie, even in public and even though I present male. It doesn't bother me because they know me from the inside out and they truly know what I'm all about. More than once, they have told me that they just can't bring themselves to call me by my given name because it does not do justice to what I really am inside. I suspect that is the same with you.
I'm sorry you had to deal with this, Halle.