"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive girl who was fooled into believing she was a boy because of anatomy - -

Friday 18 May 2012

In a Dark Place

The test of any strategy is how it holds up when it is under stress.

This will be short and not well edited. Today, for no particular reason my need to be me is high and I am very distracted. What I realize is that, even as I am doing this, writing here is the last thing I should be doing because the awareness of this body is a constant reminder of my incongruence. It is going to get finished and published because someone out there might be in the same place, and we need to know we are not alone, and that there are others who will do anything they can to resist giving into transition.

In a couple of minutes, my body and mind will be immersed in intense concentration on a musical pursuit. I will be practicing some difficult pieces of music that I want to be able to play well in a few weeks. It will give me no time to recognize the fact of my sex; no time to be reminded that it is all wrong. There is no special way to dress or behave while doing this.

If you must (and only if you must) be like me, try to find something in your own life that you can do to immerse yourself and totally distract that overactive mind. I am accepting who I am, but living as though it really does not matter. Quite a trick and only right when that is what you must do.


  1. Distraction is the strongest weapon to fight it...

  2. How do you ignore Mike Tyson smashing you in the face? Sometimes it's that hard to do. Other times it's just a matter of everyday life requiring your attention. Hopefully we can weather the tough days with real feminine class.

  3. Perhaps a bit of recreation "you time/relief" might be in order.

  4. Suzi, you know it! Sometimes the situation just does not allow for any distractions and I am faced with that choice. More often than before it is exactly as you say; find my center and focus on being as real as I can.

    "An" I know that there will come a time when knowing that some "me time" is available will be important. Actually getting that time to be me, while staying busy enough to keep distracted is an interesting balancing act.