At the risk of showing my age, I briefly considered the pedantic version of that title; "A Man of Whom She Can Be Proud", but language like that is something up with which I will not put**.
Who is she and who is he I hear you ask.
If this was a typical blog, the answer "they are both me" would be just silly, but here we know that is not the case. Finding ways to keep the appearances of maleness, but allowing the woman to flourish is the holy grail of "Maintaining the Façade*" after all. Put another way, this is a way to live that serves the soul and satisfies the role.
No, nothing has changed. I am still housing her soul and living in his body. Thus, the question has always been, 'Can ever the twain meet?' and better still, co-exist? More important to continued existence, is there a way for that mind, where the interface between exists, to continue the job of coping while the dichotomy remains unresolved?
I have guarded hopes that a latest round of soul-searching might have uncovered a path to follow that might lead to a journey, and might eventually become a way of life that leaves all intact; soul, body and mind. Does that mean I predict a future where surgical correction does not take place? The word 'might' should be a clue to my attitude; I do not try to predict my future any more. It is my intention, in fact it is part of that path I refer to, to stay firmly in the present whenever possible. Attempts by others to distract me from that goal are met with an internal resolution that strengthens with every passing day.
Staying in the present and feeding the soul involves devoting myself to activities that are gender-free in their nature. I work part-time in an area where success depends on skill, not gender. My main hobbies involve music both vocal (the voice is the tenor one given to me but I have a lovely alto voice too by my own admission LOL) and instrumental. I also love to go golfing, and yes, I have men and women who are good company when heading to the links. Whenever time permits, I love to read and my main material lately (thank you again Calie) has been what some might call women's novels (recently including the P.C. Cast 'House of Night' series, that is pitched toward young women). So far librarians have not asked, or given me any sort of 'looks' as I have checked out my selections. If they did, I would simply and honestly say I find them enjoyable reading and would highly recommend them to others.
While keeping in the present, I do look to a future where there are possibilities for personal contact with those who I share common attitudes and interests; you know who you are. :)
Developing a clear understanding of my relationship with my spouse, what her limits are, how we can support each other is an ongoing project. Love is complex at the best of times. Staying in the present is working well for us right now.
It has bothered me that lately I have found little time for writing here. Perhaps the truth is nothing going on in a 'live in the present' life is really interesting enough to put into a blog?
Then again, today I seem to have managed.
** with thanks to Winston Churchill and his amazing wit
*the original title of this blog
If I am reading this right and even if only valid for one day - kind gesture to have written it on Mother's Day.ReplyDelete
Thank you for noticing Ellena. As it happens, I am a very lucky person mother-wise. First, she is still alive and we are very much a part of each others' lives. Second, she knows all about both parts of me, body and soul, and she reaffirms regularly that she is indeed proud to say she is my mother, just as I am proudly her son and now daughter.ReplyDelete
Halle, I don't think I ever mentioned it, but focusing on the present - even on the moment - is a major part of my strategy for living this way. Yes it works, no you can't always do it... at least not easily. I see you've made another blog entry - it's a good one too - and not entirely divorced from what you suggest here. Keep on truckin', hon, you are doing great.ReplyDelete
Thanks for the shout-out, Halle! I do hope we meet someday, even thought we are miles apart.ReplyDelete