"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive girl who was fooled into believing she was a boy because of anatomy - -

Tuesday 13 October 2015

Better Living Through Chemistry

Amazing how time goes by for me these days! As Meg used to say, Friday the 13th is on a Tuesday this month. I have been so busy and hardly thinking about being trans at all! There is no one thing that has made such a change, but I am sure my body and mind are really happy to be getting their estrogen bath each day.

Nobody should play around with their body chemistry without the help of a specialist with a medical degree. Somehow get to a psychotherapist, and then an endocrinologist before messing with any hormones or blockers. Follow their instructions carefully and be honest about your intentions to yourself and them.

I fully understand the terrific drive to use any means to achieve a goal of wholeness. I know that feeling of wanting to rid myself of the effects of "Mr. T".

On the flip-side, T made it possible for me to escape bullies at school with a single look. It took away the ambiguity in my heart. I was definitely a man, and had no choice but to live that way and do my best to act the part at a time when the term trans was unknown, and being what we now call trans would have been unthinkable. Decades later I can see it differently; notice all I lost because of it, but unlike some, at the time, I didn't hate becoming bigger than the 11 year old child had been. The thing is, nothing about being a man came instinctively to me and I do mean nothing. Everything was acquired by observation or instruction.

I am a twelve year old in hormonal terms again, enjoying all the early signs of what sort of woman I might be soon and finally. My instincts are keen for that body and all the emotions to happen NOW, but I have learned patience. As well, there is a shift in my priorities that I will try to talk about at some future time.

With that in mind, it was so much fun to watch this video. I do love Des and Lacey! So many things Lacey is experiencing resonate. If anything amazing happens here, I'll let you all know. Be safe and do your best to love yourself!

Sadly, the video series that Des and Lacey put up has become unavailable since this post was written ~~~


  1. your blog postings sound so positive these days Halle! I am very glad for you and that you are finally going to be at peace with yourself and your body.

    1. Joanna, thank you for noticing. Ups and downs are part of any life. There is a definite trend.