"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates

- - scatterings of ideas sent to my younger self, a sensitive girl who was fooled into believing she was a boy because of anatomy - -

Tuesday, 2 November 2010

I Am Whelmed (part 2)

Who among the whole of the human race does not respond well to encouragement? The support of those who understand what we go through in our lives, or in our work (our peers) is the highest form of praise. Self-love, that most critical form of encouragement, is considered by some to be essential to a successful life.

Almost seven months ago she was a 'gleam in my eye'. Now she shines in my place. Her face, that face from the past is one that pushes me to try to be better every day in some way. One look in the mirror reminds me of how important it is to continue to strive to be better. Let’s just say I know what it means to be moving past middle age. I don't mean that in a bad way, so let me explain.

At some point we all realize there is only so much that we can do; we are all limited in some way. As a youth, we feel immortal and unlimited, but limitations become obvious at some point. For many, sadly, they come so awfully early. I was tremendously lucky; something that only has been revealed to me lately, lucky to fulfill many roles in my life so far, and be able to keep dreams alive too. I am the epitome of the saying “Getting older is inevitable. Growing up is optional”.

The woman I might have been was one of those dreams and in so many ways not a dream abandoned; she is here now (even though she looks little like the one in that drawing over there). I cannot yet be her older sister in person, but I cannot forget her, or in any other way desecrate that presence who reinforces me and makes me such a better person.

A bunch of us oldsters (mostly women) were together and laughing about our attempts to keep youth alive and the shock of looking in the mirror first thing in the morning to realize there is an old character there where the internal script says 'youthful'. It is just the way things are. It is just plain crazy to hate what you are, whether that happens to be an aging lady, or an aging man, or an aging man who thinks like a lady; it really does not matter. You need to be who you are, this very moment in this world in order to keep the other dreams alive.

The encouragement received here has been staggering and has lifted me much higher as a person than anything else I have done in my 'real' life. That fact perplexes me sometimes because it has been a life with many accomplishments. It makes me reflect on those other accomplishments and I realize that those things I have valued (apart from fathering my wonderful children) could have been done as a woman just as well, or even better. It says, be yourself and do what you do because you love doing it; you cannot go far wrong with that as your guide.

The banner title may change soon. I am tiring of just ‘maintaining’ anything, especially something so flimsy as the word façade implies. Suggestions are welcomed for my evolving blog for an evolving person ready for anything in spite of any obstacles real or imagined.




  1. An encouraging post!

    Acceptance of aging is something I don't do very well, but must do. At least it's nice to have good company along the way. :)

  2. It may be crazy to hate the old image in the mirror, but I thinks it's just human nature. It just doesn't match the internal image. I don't think I want to grow old gracefully. I think it would be more fun to grow old disgracefully! ;-)

    Halle, whatever you decide to call you blog, you know that I will keep reading it!

    Melissa XX

  3. Halle, again, you have written a beautiful post on this aging that we all (the lucky ones) face. We are born with nothing and we leave with nothing other than the legacy that we create. That legacy is made in the process we call life. Yeah, I'm growing older but I'm not going to grow up too much more!

    Hugs, Elly

  4. I don't have a suggestion for a new title, but I will say that the title and your blog have never seemed like they match to me. The title has always struck me in a negative light. Your blog itself, the exact opposite.

  5. I'd like to see a new title...something along the lines of "Breaking Down the Door", or "Stepping Out", or "Baby Steps."

    If you wait until conditions are perfect, you'll never stop "maintaining". Make a pledge to push the envelope just a little on a regular basis.

    Ok, here's a suggestion. I've done it myself. Keep a tube of a natural toned lipstick in your pocket and put it on when you're driving around. Nobody will be able to tell for sure if you're wearing lipstick or not. You'll get a rush out of it though. It may sound a little "off the wall", but once you get your little toe in the water, it's easier to put your foot there too.

    Blog about each baby step you take and then watch them break into a full run. I'll be on the sideline in my cheerleader outfit, waving my pom poms at you. :)Suzi

  6. GRRRRR. I may be growing older, but I REFUSE to grow up.

    In fact, I am fighting this aging thing, kicking and screaming. I use modern chemistry and whatever medical marvel that I can afford.

    As my husband says, who is ten years, my senior, "Growing old is NOT for the feint of heart". He should know, having had his chest cut open for the ol' 'by pass' routine.

    One thing that I do know about this whole aging routine is that there is no way that I can win. In the end, nobody gets out alive.

    In a way that is an advantage, knowing that in the end there is no escaping the Grim Reaper. This defines the rules of the game. What we do is to try and enjoy every moment, every activity to the fullest while keeping in mind that with this precious gift of life comes a responsibiity to not squander that gift. Good food, diet and excercise also go a long way to improving our quality of life.

    There is also this question of growing old 'gracefully' or 'disgracefully'. Personally, I prefer gracefully. Despite the fact that I know that when I finally lay this old bag of bones to rest, it will be well USED, it will not have been abused. In fact I strive to maintain it just as best as I can. It is like my ol' Benz.

    I drive her hard and fast and long, but I never put her to bed wet or cold. She has the cleanest of oil and filters, and the finest of tires. Like my body, she is well maintained and will likely give me many more years of joy and pleasure.

  7. Miscellaneous comments re this post:

    Growing old is an incredibly depressing subject for me. Birthday time is the worst time of the year.

    I liked Teagan's comment.

    Oh, and Anne...I must say she is the most stunning 60 something year old woman I have ever met (and don't tell my wife I said that)....one hot looking woman!

    End of miscellaneous comments.

  8. @Anne; I am so with you, kicking and screaming all the way. I have embraced a good diet, and try to get as much exercise as I can.
    @Teagan; As with many things in our T world, the precise meaning of the title was flawed. Starting out, it came close to expressing my desires. Your analysis is absolutely correct. Hopefully the new name matches the tone better. Thanks for the suggestion that my blog has been positive. Sometimes it felt a bit negative and I wondered if the name itself was pulling me in that direction.

    @Anne and Suzi; it is hard to know how to express that side of me that is so much a part of the way I think. 'She' does cry out for some expression. I hate coercion and value the love shared with my sweetie so much that any physical feminine expression feels empty because she doesn't share it in some way. That is the path I am working on. All ideas are absorbed and even when I don't act on them immediately, they become part of the potential.
    In the meantime, I am satisfied with expressing the internal 'girl' here, with the help of the 'guy'.