In my awkward way, yesterday’s post was an attempt to find a meaningful way forward. I need to build a new structure for the man; something to be proud of maybe.
My life has been an illusion of being a man. This façade is not new, just recently revealed. It has been here for those forty years, supported by all of the ways I had learned to ‘be manly’. The difference is in point of view. Knowing when life is a sham is difficult, but necessary.
Withdrawing support from a façade risks a sort of collapse, quite a dangerous situation until a new way of creating support is available. Old support systems do not suffice. They offer themselves constantly. I recognize them for what they are and reject them. They are not only worn out, they have been revealed for what they were. They were weak and false supports, illusions of structure only.
A lady stands by, not too close, but she is waiting and watching.
How long can the façade stand unsupported? The man hopes for calm. Even a gust might do the trick right now.